The Gift
by demitruli
Summary: [AU, Multi] When April's 28th birthday arrives, her roommates get her a very special present. But no one warned poor April she shouldn't fall in love with the escort hired to deflower her.
1. White Rose

**Chapter One - White Rose  
**

"Happy birthday!"

"Shhh!" I hissed through my teeth as Reed came running towards me, sealing me in a tight hug. I scanned the room to check if any of our co-workers had heard us, but thankfully everyone seemed to be busy as far as I could tell. Last thing I needed was everyone's attention on me.

She groaned, the sound coming out muffled as her head was buried in my shoulder, which she could barely reach. I still failed to understand how someone could possibly be so tiny. I mean, I was pretty small myself, but nothing close to Reed. She was like five pounds. "Don't start." She grumbled. "This is a super special birthday and everyone should know about it."

"A _super special_ birthday?" I repeated with a frown and received a glare.

"Apart from celebrating the 28th birthday of the world's biggest prude…" she trailed off, to which I responded with a small hit on her shoulder –barely putting any pressure, but apparently just enough to send her three feet away. I chuckled and she raised a tiny finger, pointing towards me in a warning. "Cut it off, April!" she whined. "Anyways, I was going to say we are also celebrating the first decade of you being an adult but apparently you never really got to that phase, did you?"

"You are one to talk." I pointed out, and at that she cracked a smile. Oh, she knew pretty well I was not the immature one here. Or, at least, not the kind of immature one would expect a person to be like in their late twenties. That type of person fit Reed perfectly. No matter how tiny and cute she looked with that short red hear of hers, you shouldn't let her fool you. My roommate hid inside her Satan himself, ready to be unleashed at any given opportunity. Which was quite often, in fact. There was no party Reed hadn't attended. No weekend she hadn't gone clubbing, and no night she hadn't brought a guy home. Reed was the girl that wouldn't hesitate engaging in threesomes or take a whip of weed when offered. Thankfully, all of those habits of hers had died down a bit after meeting her boyfriend. Still, she was so wild and confident, and immature and _stupid_ , but I would be lying if I said I didn't envy her for that. Because when it came to me… well, I guess I really was a prude. And I always had been.

Growing up, I was that girl at the first desk with the glasses, the braces and the awful acne. I was that girl with the perfect grades but horrible social life. And by horrible, I really mean non-existent. I had no friends, only enemies I had never asked for. Kids had been picking on me for as long as I can remember, and frankly I couldn't really blame them. I had always been kind of a freak. An ugly duckling. Well, I still was, I guess. I might have gotten rid of the glasses, the braces, the pimples and the bullies and even had managed to make two good friends, but nothing else had really changed in my life.

Well, apart from the fact that I was a surgical resident, which was kind of badass. So there's that.

I felt someone's arms embracing me from behind, and startled I turned around with a quick move, only to smash my shoulder against the nose of the brunette standing behind me.

"Ouch."

My eyes widened. "Oh my God, Lexie, are you okay?"

She winced and rubbed her nose. "Uh… happy birthday?" she exclaimed with a pained expression, causing Reed to burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Lex, I was just thinking about stuff and didn't expect you to come at me like that and I got startled and you know how clumsy I can be at times and –Oh, God, I didn't break it, right? Is it broken? We might have to take you to the ER to check cause if I broke it you might-"

She raised her hands, cutting off my nervous rambling. "April, slow down! I'm fine. Relax."

"Oh." I blinked. "Good, okay."

"Yeah, _April_. Don't be so _tied up_." Reed added in a weird tone, and when I turned to look at her, a question in my eyes, she wasn't looking at me but Lexie. "You should _relax_ more." She added with her infamous devil smirk, and I felt my guts sink to the ground.

"What do you mean?" I asked, taking my eyes off hers to glance at Lexie, who was also now grinning widely. "Uh… what's going on?" my voice rose as I begun panicking. Knowing my friends, this behavior of theirs, on my birthday of all days, was definitely bad news for me.

"Nothing." They both replied quickly and shared another look, but before I got the chance to ask for further information, our superior, Dr. Bailey, walked into the room and begun giving us orders.

The rest of the day wasn't that busy at all. After doing our rounds I scrubbed in a colostomy and before I knew it I found myself crossing the busy cafeteria, heading for the table where the three of us usually sat. Only when I got there did I notice something was different. Reed and Lexie were there, just as I expected. But along with them were two other people as well.

Over Reed's sitting figure was hovering her boyfriend, Charles. Charles was a large, muscular guy with dark hair and eyes, but despite the intimidating outside, anyone who met him would agree he was just a huge, awkward teddy bear. The exact opposite of Reed, that is. I guess the "opposites attract" motto would be very fitting in their case. Charles had just recently quit his previous job and was currently working part time as a waiter. He did have his own house, but unfortunately for me he spent almost every night at our place. Not that I didn't like him. I really, really did. What I wasn't quite fond of were the noises coming from their room in the middle of the night, but there was no way I was ever going to mention that to anyone.

On the other side of the table, holding Lexie in his lap was Mark. Mark was… hot. And that coming from me is definitely something in worth of consideration. He was blond and tall with light eyes and a little beard, and a mischievous smile constantly glued to his face. He was quite older than us, but it really didn't show. We had met him the one time I had agreed to let them take me out clubbing, back when we were in med school. The worst mistake of my life. After what had been the loudest, longest hours of my existence, both Lexie and Reed had gotten so drunk they could barely walk, but I hadn't gotten my driving license yet and there was no way I was going to drive us home without it. To Lexie, though, leaving the car unattended next to a night club was out of the question, and I finally gave in and let her drive us - _carefully_ and _super slowly_ \- home. Which was yet another huge mistake, as we got pulled off by the police and the alcohol test they performed on her… well… let's just say we spent the night in jail and leave it at that. That night was the night that a very, very drunk, chatty Lexie met the hot police officer that a few years later would come to be her fiancé. Mark was a very good guy, but, unfortunately for poor virgin me, he came with a very, very inappropriate sense of humor.

Oh, right. I forgot to mention I was still a virgin. Well, I was. That was the thing with me… Ever since I was a little girl I had always had this idea of what my life would be like. I would get married to a nice, handsome Christian who would love me more than anything and he would be my prince charming. I would lose my virginity to him on our wedding night –which would take place in a field with wildflowers everywhere and butterflies would be released when I said 'I do'. That goes for the wedding. I cringed at the single thought of my own husband seeing me naked, public sex was completely out of the question for me. The plan, then, was for us to have three kids, two boys and a girl, and grow old together and live our happily ever after. Well, being all grown now, I wasn't so sure about the prince charming and the happily ever after part, but I really did want to lose my virginity to someone special.

Fact was, I probably waited too long for that guy to come. And not only that, but having a really, really close cycle of friends, I very rarely got to meet new people, and even when I did, I was pretty sure all those guys found me annoying. At this rate, I was certain I would probably end up alone in a tiny apartment with only company Netflix and a dozen of cats. And I was fine with that, actually. Cats were nice. I loved cats. Cats were my life, my other halves. I couldn't live without cats.

Anyways, I never got why everyone had to always make such a huge deal out of that. Yeah, I was a twenty-eight year old virgin. It wasn't something I liked to talk about, especially not with my friend's fiancé. But with Mark, well… I guess that fact coming up at least once every single time that we saw each other was pretty much unavoidable.

So, standing there in front of them open mouthed, wondering what on earth could all of them be doing here, was when I noticed the enormous white birthday cake that was placed on the table, a scary number of little red candles lighted on top. The cake had all of three floors and it was twice Reed's size. It was very simple, decorated with a few white flowers here and there, and a single red cherry on top. My hand flew to my mouth and it remained there as water filled my widened eyes.

And then they began singing.

" _Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday dear April-"_  
" _-Virgin Mary-"_ Mark added with a wink.  
" _Happy birthday to you!"_ They all sang out loud, Charles keeping the last note a little too long, and definitely out of pitch, causing everyone to burst out laughing.

And Gosh… I can't remember having been this happy in a long, long time. "Oh my God…" I whispered in awe.

"Come blow the candles!" Reed cheered, and got up from her seat to drag me to the table.

"Wish first!" Lexie yelled, as she jumped once up and down on Mark's lap, causing him to wince in pain.

"Careful there." He mumbled. "It's still sore."

"Right. Sorry."

I frowned at the exchange but decided I really didn't want to know. Instead, I took a moment to appreciate the little dancing flames of the candles, before I closed my eyes shut and clenched my fists.

 _I wish everything stays exactly as perfect as it is right now._

After all, what else could I possibly need?

I blew a wisp of air, and it did take me a while but I eventually managed to blow all the little candles. My friends erupted in a round of clapping and cheering, and I was so happy I was barely aware of the fact that I as probably the color of crimson red by now.

When the time came to cut the cake, I obviously went for the cherry.

"Eh, eh! What do you think you're doing?" Mark shouted, stopping my movement mid-air.

I raised my eyebrow. "…Eating the cherry?" he shook his head, disapprovingly. "What?" I protested. "My birthday, my cake, I get to eat the cherry."

I saw him fight back a smile. "I have a better idea." He said, and put his hand in his pocket, only to pull out a small object and offer it to me. "Here."

I cautiously took the object in my hands and carefully examined it. It was a needle. "Uh… what?" I asked confused, as Reed snorted and Charles let out a chuckle.

Mark smirked. "Pop it."

I frowned. _The cherry? He told me to…_

 _Oh._ Pop the cherry.

"Oh my God!" I yelled as I let the needle fall from my hands so that I could burry my head into them.

Loud laughter erupted all over the cafeteria, and had I known this would be the first minute after my wish I would for sure have taken it back.

"Oh, and I chose the color myself." Mark managed to choke out between chuckles. "It's _virgin_ white!"

"Mark!" I shrieked and picked up the knife, waving it towards him in warning. But killing a police officer would get me a pretty big amount of jail time, and you can't have cats in jail, can you now? I sighed and moved on to attack the cake instead.

"Hey, let me warn you…" Mark said. "The flowers aren't edible. The cake needs _deflowering_."

 _Good. Lord._

Yep, I was definitely taking that wish back.

* * *

"Did you tell her to shave _down there_ too?"

"Why would I? No one shaves down there."

"What are you talking about? Everyone does!"

"I never do."

I gasped and pulled the shower's curtain –just a tiny bit- to stare at Lexie in shock. "You never shave your legs?"

For the first time in minutes my roommates seemed to finally acknowledge my existence. And I have to say I would much rather they hadn't. They both stared at me like I was missing something brighter than the sun. And then it hit me.

"Oh." I mumbled. "You didn't mean the legs. Right." I shut the curtain closed, only to pull it back again. "Wait, why would I possibly need to shave my… down there?"

Reed grabbed the curtain and pulled in front of my face. "How many times do I have to tell you that it's a surprise?"

I groaned and stared down at the raiser in my hands. "If it's a strip club, I swear to God…"

"It's not a _strip_ club." Lexie said emphasizing the word, and I heard Reed shushing her.

Oh. Not a strip club. That was so them that I had been fearing that this was what was up for me tonight. "Is it a club though?" I tried. The more information I had, the better I could prepare myself for what was coming.

"Well…" Lexie's voice came again and I heard a slapping sound. "Ouch!"

Goodness, I swear, they could be such babies sometimes.

About an hour later I had taken a shower, my legs were all soft and shaved, my make-up done –nothing fancy though, I wouldn't let them- my red hair was falling on my shoulders a bit curlier than they normally were, and I was dressed in a deep red dress that was too tight and short for my tastes, but not enough for me to absolutely refuse to wear it. And in black heels. Gosh, those weren't heels, those were true deathtraps. I could barely walk in them. Seriously, I was certain that at some point during the night I would definitely sprain my ankle, and even if I didn't I was sure I would have to remove them sooner or later as my feet had already begun to hurt after wearing them for a mere five minutes.

I was also handed a small black purse, in which I could only fit my keys and cellphone, and lastly they tried to fill me up with all kinds of jewelry, but I wouldn't let them. Clumsy as I was, I would probably lose them or someone would steal them without me even noticing. And I might didn't know where they were taking me, but from the dress code I was sure it would be some sort of club, and me with jewelry in those sort of places weren't the best combination. The only thing I did wear, though, was the bracelet with my silver cross. I never took that off, and would definitely notice if it went missing. After all, I would for sure need God with me tonight…

It was only when I was all set and ready to go that I realized that while they had been dressing me up like a doll, they themselves wore nothing but jeans and sweaters. "Aren't you gonna dress?" I wondered aloud.

Lexie threw a little black coat on me and pushed me towards the door, while I struggled to balance on the heels. "Stop asking questions, April."

We soon got to Lexie's car and she begun driving. They were so secretive about the whole thing that I bet they would have also blindfolded me were they not afraid of ruining my hair and make-up. That wouldn't really be needed, though, since it wasn't long before I completely lost sense of where we were. That fact surprised me, since I had been living in Seattle during med school, internship and now residency. And it also terrified the crap out of me. Cause the only part of Seattle that I hadn't actually cared to explore had been the one only worth exploring at night. And that meant I was screwed.

The drive seemed to be taking forever, and just as I was about to ask how much longer it would take to get wherever on earth we were going, Lexie finally pulled over the car, and anxious as I was, I all but glued my face on the window. All I could see, though, was the dark, empty street across from us, only lighted buy a couple of yellow lights, and some kind of fancy restaurant down the corner.

I frowned. Nothing loud or extreme seemed to be happening anywhere around here. "Will you now tell me what's going on?"

Lexie cleared her throat. "Okay. So… you see that restaurant over there?" she asked, gesturing towards it. I reluctantly nodded. She gulped. "You will get in there, and at the back corner on your left hand should be a table with a very hot guy waiting alone and holding a white rose…" She hesitated for a second, looking towards Reed for reassurance, giving just enough time for her words to actually settle in.

"You set me up on a blind date?!" I shrieked, my heartbeat starting to race.

Lexie winced and Reed snorted. "Well…" the little devil trailed off. "I wouldn't call it _that_ exactly…"

I felt my hands beginning to sweat. "What?! No! Oh, I can't go in there, no way! He's gonna… He… Who even agreed to this, does he even know who I am?" I gasped. "Oh God, do I know him? He doesn't work in the hospital, does he? Please, _please_ tell me he doesn't!"

"No, no he doesn't. And he doesn't really know who you are… he's heard about you though. And seen your picture."

My mouth dropped. Oh, no. "Which one?" I asked, panic in my voice.

Lexie snorted. "Does it matter?"

 _Of course it freaking matters! It must have been a dark and low quality one or else he wouldn't for the world have agreed to this._ "Where did you even find him?"

Reed was the one to answer. "He is an old friend of Charles'."

An old friend of Charles'.

An _old friend_ of _Charles'_.

 _Oh, please don't let that mean what I think it means._

"When you say an old friend…" I exclaimed slowly, a slight tremor in my voice.

Reed took a deep breath. "He and Charles used to work together."

I blinked once.

Twice.

This wasn't happening. This could _not_ be _happening to me_.

I shut my eyes, feeling the blood pounding against my ears. "Take me home." I mumbled, my voice surprisingly calm and steady.

"April…"

"Take. Me. Home." I demanded.

"No. Not until you listen to what we have to say."

My eyes snapped open, and if a stare could kill, Charles would need to find himself a new girlfriend. "Have you _completely_ lost you mind?!" I cried. "I thought a club was too much, and you go and buy me a freaking _prostitute_?!"

"He is an _escort_ , and you are not giving us a chance to explain-"

"Explain what, Reed? The fact that you got me something you know is against all my beliefs and wishes?" Realization drew me in, and my breath hitched in my throat. There was a man in that restaurant, a man who had seen my picture and probably knew my name too, who had come here today to… who expected of me to _have sex with him._ "Oh my God… Do you have any idea… How could you do this to me?!" I cried. "You are supposed to be my best friends, you are supposed to know me better than anyone, how could you even consider that I would-"

"April!" Lexie snapped. "Just let us speak for a second, damn it!"

"Someone go get in there right now and tell that… _man_ to forget my face, forget my name, and forget anything that has to do with me, so that we can go back home!" None of them moved. "Lexie! Now!"

"You need to lighten up!" Reed shouted. "We know it, you know it and everyone knows it! Even Dr. Bailey told you so the other day in the OR. You are so tied up all the time, and this is not just affecting you as a person but as a surgeon too. You have to relax, April! And sex is not a bad thing! It's actually so exciting and satisfying and it feels good. And especially if it is with the right person, they can make you see stars! Stop being afraid of letting go and enjoying life for once!"

"Oh, and so the only way for me to have sex is with paying someone to do the job right?" I yelled.

Lexie rubbed her forehead and glanced towards Reed. "I told you she would take it this way…"

"Oh, what way was I supposed to take it, Lexie? If not that you don't think I'm capable of having a man even _wanting_ to have sex with me unless he is paid?"

"That is _not_ what we think, April, and you know that pretty damn well."

I threw my arms in the air, frustrated. "Then why?! Why would you hire me a _prostitute_?!"

"He's an escort."

"Same thing!"

"But it's not, April, this is what you're missing here!" Reed shouted. "We hired a man –the best there is- to be yours for tonight. He will escort you for dinner and then you can do whatever you want to do. You can have him take you for a ride around town, do you a massage, cook for you, dance for you, take you swimming or to the cinema and hell, even play board games or cuddle on the couch all night!" she exclaimed, and I blinked in surprise.

 _Cuddling really does sound kind of nice…_

 _Not you too!_

"He did get you a room at a hotel nearby where you can spend the night, and you can have sex with him if you want to, but nothing here is expected of you. He is just yours for tonight. You can do anything you want with him."

 _What in the name of…_

I groaned. "I don't want this! I don't want a slave that will do anything I ask him to! And I don't want to have sex with someone whom I don't even know!"

"All we want…" Lexie added. "Is that you get a taste of what we have. We've been trying to set you up with guys for years now, and you always make excuses for yourself and push them away. But April, even ' _the one'_ won't just appear in a puff of smoke. You have to find him. And you refuse to look!" she shook her head. "And all we want for you tonight is to have some fun. To get spoiled and get adventurous or just sit back and relax. We want you to see what you are missing so that you will finally take it on you and claim it yourself, instead of pushing away opportunity after opportunity. And in case…" she cleared her throat, looking at me carefully. "In case… you decide you want to go ahead and… pop your cherry…" Reed snorted and Lexie low-key elbowed her. "Know that this man is experienced and will be kind, and sweet and loving to you, and give you exactly what you want from him. He won't take advantage of you like so many would. He will not try to please himself but you. His every focus will be on your pleasure and that only."

I buried my head in my hands. I was dreaming. This was a freaking nightmare and I would wake up any moment now.

 _Right?!_

"That's why we got him for you. So that we know that this guy will know how to treat you right, like a real lady, the way you deserve to be treated. We didn't want your first time to be with some… amateur. We wanted you to have the best."

"And he really is the best." Reed cut in. "He is Charles' best friend and he recommended him without a second thought. But the thing is, you don't even have to sleep with him."

"Right. You don't."

"You can just let him spoil you and then leave."

"Exactly. Just leave."

"Cause that's what an escort is."

"According to the Free Dictionary, an Escort is a person who is hired to spend time with another as a temporary companion and may or may not be used for sex. Escorts have expenses that enable them to charge higher fees, and are paid by the hour, not the act."

I rolled my eyes. "I know what an escort is, Lexiepedia." I said, and immediately the corners of both of their lips slightly twisted upwards in response. They knew me too well to know that when the nicknaming began, I had already pretty much gave in.

And that fact scared me to death.

I wasn't really considering this, was I?

"Come here." Lexie said and unbuckled her belt to get out of the car.

I shook my head. "Are you insane? I am not going anywhere but home!"

"Just come see him. See what you think about him."

"There's nothing to think about, I am not moving." I crossed my arms on my chest, emphasizing my words.

"Yeah, let's go take a look." Reed agreed and got out of the car as well. "I am curious to see what he looks like in person."

I shook my head. "Nah-ah. No way."

"Oh, come on, April. He won't even know we're there. We'll just look through the glass wall."

"Don't make us drag you."

I took a moment to weigh my options.

Option number one; I refused to go and they actually tried to drag me. I knew I had Reed in hand, but Lexie I wasn't so sure about, and there was no way I could overpower both of them together.

Option number two; I jumped in the front seat and drove my own way home. The key was in the ignition, everything was set and ready to go. But that meant I would have to leave those two idiots behind, and I was too good a friend and too nice a person to just leave my friends alone in the dark in the middle of nowhere. Even if at this particular moment that was more than tempting.

Option number three; I agreed to go take _one_ look. As soon as I laid my eyes on him I would say I didn't like him and they couldn't argue with that. So all this madness would be over.

And despite everything, I somehow chose option number three.

Letting out a long sigh, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car, ignoring the victory sounds that came out of both of them, and with determination I crossed the road with rushed steps and reached the glass wall of the restaurant. The restaurant itself wasn't big or too fancy as I expected. Instead, the word best fit to describe it would be cozy. The atmosphere inside was warm and welcoming, the lighting rather low and romantic matching the music perfectly. The floors and walls were the perfect combination of wood and stone, and little paper lanterns decorated every table. This would be a perfect place for a first date, a small, cozy nest for a new romance to bloom. Suddenly the blind date idea didn't seem so awful. But the whole escort fiasco still did.

Letting out a long sigh, I glanced towards the back of the restaurant, looking for any guy that was sitting alone and holding a white rose, but found none. I frowned. I was pretty sure the girls had paid him a fortune, but apparently that still wasn't enough to make him come. I for sure didn't blame him.

"Looking for something?"

The man's voice was like nothing I had ever heard before. It was low and soft but powerful enough to send chills through my entire body, and once I turned around to see who it belonged to, I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

He was tall and slender, but strong build at the same time. He had smooth flawless dark skin that glinted under the moonlight and short shaved dark hair. His face was strong, his features molded from granite. His full, sultry lips were curled in a cocky smirk, and at the sight of them I felt my tongue unconsciously lick my own. A short, thin beard was covering his strong jaw, above of which stood prominent cheekbones, a well-defined chin and nose and dark eyebrows that were framing his eyes. And those eyes… Dear Lord. His eyes were dangerously beautiful. They were mostly light green, with blue creeping in around the edges as if it was trying to take over. Under the dim street light, the soft emerald was combined with the color of deep ocean shimmering in the moonlight, creating the most excruciating pair of eyes I had never begun to imagine could possibly exist.

He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. I guessed he must had been used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. In my case, also accompanied with what I was sure was a lively red blush.

I barely noticed his hand slowly shifting upwards, until I front of my face stood proudly a beautiful white rose.

Well, crap.

"April." He said while offering it to me, and I swear my name had never sounded so sweet. I felt my knees go weak and my heart pounding like crazy inside my chest, but I still somehow managed to raise my hand and take the rose.

I blinked furiously, trying to stop gawking at him and absolutely failing. "Uh… thanks but… I should… eh, I can't… I-I have to…" I struggled with my own words and glanced behind his shoulder in desperate need of my friends' help, but in horror I realized they weren't there. They weren't anywhere to be seen, and neither was the car. The paralyzing hurt spread through my body like icy, liquid metal, as fear bubbled up in my chest. They had never crossed the road behind me. They just left me here alone, in the middle of nowhere on my birthday with a freaking _prostitute!_

 _Escort._

 _Whatever!_

"Oh, they already left." The man pointed out and I looked up at him in surprise. "They warned me an ambush would be necessary to keep you here, and I'm afraid I had no other option but to play along." He said, an apologetic look on his face. "I hope you can forgive me."

 _As if I could possibly ever stay mad at you._

 _What in the name of…?_

I squeezed my eyes shut and violently shook my head in an attempt to finally wake up. When I opened them again, though, I was met with his worried ones. He probably thought I was insane. Well, good. Maybe he'd take me home an hour earlier that way.

"Look, I really don't bite." He muttered and gave me a reassuring smile. And somehow, as soon as he smiled at me, my fear whisked away like a bunch of fruit-flies caught in a heavy gust of wind. "I'm Jackson." He said then, and raised his hand between us.

 _Jackson._

Before I knew it, my own hand rose to meet his, and as soon as we made contact I felt as if an electrical current run through my skin, shaking me to the core. He shook the unison of our hands once, but didn't let go like I expected him to. I gulped. "I'm April."

He softly chuckled, slowly and warmly, reminding me of honey. "Yeah." He mumbled, and lifted our hands near his face. "I know." He whispered, and I could feel his warm breath on my hand, sending shivers down my spine. And then, with the smallest of moves, he brushed his lips against my skin in a soft kiss.

Was everything spinning or was it just me?

"So, _April_ …" he trailed off. "Do you want me to take you home?"

I blinked. "Uh… what?"

His smile got wider. "I understand you don't want to be here." He said kindly. "And you should know that no one is forcing you to do anything. Whatever happens tonight will be your choice. And if what you want is for me to drive you home and leave you alone, then that is exactly what I will do."

I looked up at him in disbelief. "You will?"

He nodded. "Of course I will. If that's what you want."

I bit my lower lip. Well, it _was_ what I wanted.

Wasn't it?

"Can I just ask for one thing, though?" His voice came out soft as he asked the question, and I noticed his body slightly leaning closer to mine. Yet, I somehow still managed to nod.

"This restaurant…" He said and pointed behind me. "Makes hell of a nice food, and I haven't eaten since this morning." He pursed his lips. "And it's all kind of already paid for by your lovely friends… I don't know about you but I would hate all that going to waste."

' _Going to waste'?_ I huffed. Yeah right he had guessed from the single minute he knew me that I had a sweet spot for wasting food. "Did they tell you to say that?"

He seemed impressed for a second –probably because I had actually managed to form a full sentence- and then I watched his smile grow wider. _Of course they told him._ "I really am hungry, though." He pointed out. "And the food is pretty great. Their lasagna is the best there is."

"Lasagna?" Who on earth orders lasagna in a restaurant?

"'The simpler it is, the better I like it' -Peter Lynch." He quoted with a smile, making me raise my eyebrows. "Plus it makes you feel like home." He added and winked at me, and as expected my heartbeat flew and my cheeks flushed in response. I noticed his eyes laying over my red skin before he finally looked back into mine again. "So. Would you like to have dinner with me?" he asked, his tone sounding genuinely hopeful for some reason. But then again, he was paid to be a good actor, wasn't he? "Let's just eat something. And then if you still want me to take you home, I promise I will."

I felt something squeeze my hand, and that was when I realized that it was still in his, long slender dark fingers coming in contrast with my pale skin. I didn't know what reason he could have to still be holding my hand, but I was not nearly complaining. His touch… it felt as something natural. Something right. Which was completely irrational, of course, since he was just an escort paid to fill me with lies and make me feel good. And I had to admit that this _did_ feel good.

Well, it was just dinner. It would be like having dinner with any other regular guy. Only I didn't have dinner with any guys, but that wasn't what I was getting at. What I _was_ getting at was, why not? He seemed like an interesting enough guy to have a conversation with over dinner, and I would really not mind staring into those ocean eyes for a while longer. Nobody said anything about any kind of romantic stuff. And plus, I really was hungry too. "Okay." I mumbled.

His lips twisted into a crooked grin. "Okay?"

I shrugged and for the first time that night I smiled back. "Well, since it's all paid for…"

His warm and hearty chuckle rang into my ears like jingling bells and he began walking towards the door, his hand still holding mine.

And this time, I followed without offering any kind of resistance. For once, I just let go.

* * *

 _ **[A/N] Okay, I wasn't planning on posting this yet, but the lovely ladies of the one and only Japril Group Chat went a bit overexcited about it so I couldn't leave them waiting... I love you girls! I will try to update as soon as I can but with mayor exams on the way I don't know when that will be... Stick around, though, I think this story I have in mind will be worth the wait.**_

 _ **And please, review! I always love to hear what you guys think, good and bad.**_

 _ **Also, find me on tumblr - it's japrilgreys**_


	2. Coke Cap

**Chapter Two – Coke Cap**

Coming here was massive mistake. And I had come to that nonnegotiable conclusion in less than two minutes, which should really say something.

The thing was, though, that this wasn't because of any of my initial fears and objections. Nothing close to those, actually. I didn't regret my decision to join him to dinner because this was all a huge lie and I wanted nothing to do with it, or because it stood against every single Christian value, or because 'what would my father think of me if he saw me right now?', or because dinner was in the deal which actually meant I was doing exactly what those stupid pieces of… of _crap_ that were supposed to be my friends had planned for me tonight and I had no idea if it was even legal or not. All those were perfectly good reasons to stop me from coming here, but all of those seemed to just vanish the second I looked into his eyes, the second he smiled at me, the second he took my hand and lead me through the restaurant's door. Instead, there was this tiny bitty fact that lead me to believe this decision of mine was a horrible, horrible mistake.

The fact that all I could think of as he was sitting across me on the other side of the table was how much I wanted to kiss him.

Yep. Told you I was going insane.

Was I really the one at blame though? Yes, would be your answer since you haven't seen him. But having him here in front of me, I should assure you that I wasn't. Not fully, at least. The largest part of the blame went to him and him only.

I had been so occupied by staring into those ocean eyes of his like a moron that I never even noticed what he was wearing until he started removing them. Not his eyes, his clothes. And not all of them, in a public space like this that's called exhibition not prostitution. Or _escorting_ , whatever. The only piece of clothing he did remove was a black jacket he had been wearing, revealing a dark grey shirt from underneath, which just so happened to highlight every single muscle of his upper body perfectly.

I heard him clear his throat, and my eyes flew back to his face, only to notice he wore that cocky smirk of his again. "See anything you like?"

My entire face flushed red and I quickly looked down at the menu in my hands. Well, of course he had caught me gawking. "Um, yes actually, this… swooiy… uh…" I squinted trying to make out what on earth the first thing in the catalog was but soon realized it made absolutely no sense. "Is there a catalog in English?" I asked instead. "My Italian is a bit rusty."

His mouth twitched in a weird way and he quickly brought his hand up, pressing his fist against it. Once it finally left his mouth, his expression was mostly under control again, apart from his eyes. The complete and utter amusement in them gave him away. He began leaning towards me then, closer that he had ever been before, until his face was just a foot away from mine. Obviously I began freaking out, and just when I was about to ask him what on earth he was doing, his long fingers got hold of the menu I was holding and with a single move he turned it upside down.

 _Well that makes sense._

"Maybe this will help." He whispered with a kind smile, and the small distance between our faces made it so that I got to smell him for the first time. And his scent, just like the rest of him, was intoxicating. It represented freshly cut timber, like the damp forest after a rainy day; he smelt heavenly, like fresh-scented pine and honey. And instantly his aroma felt like a drug to me. I wanted more. I _needed_ more.

My body instinctively leaned closer as my arm shot upwards to tug on the collar of his shirt and keep him there. Fortunately my mind took over just in time and changed my hand's curse, making it land on my neck instead -my racing heartbeat pounding against my palm. "Right." I muttered. "Thanks."

"Anytime." He somehow still managed not to chuckle as his body straightened up again.

I glanced back down at the menu, my eyes searching for anything I felt like eating, but my mind not nearly comprehending the words. All I could think of was how light the color of his eyes seemed as he had leaned close to me. So light that I really couldn't decide if they were green or blue after all. Outside I would have sworn they were mainly green, but under the dim light of the single lantern placed on our table –right next to the single white rose I had put in a glass of water- they looked completely blue.

"So, what did you decide on?" he asked me after a while.

I pursed my lips. "I think blue." I said calmly, and once I actually realized what exactly I had let out of my stupid mouth I felt all the color drain from my face. "UH, no! That's not what- I didn't-" I shook my head and quickly I held the menu even higher to hide my face behind it, although the hiding I really needed right now would be in a cave up the mountain where nobody would ever see me ever again. "I haven't decided yet." I mumbled, wincing now that he couldn't see me and mentally kicked my self's ass.

I heard him starting to cough, and even though it was so clear he was masking up his laughter to coughing, I actually did appreciate the effort… with the tiny bit of my mind that wasn't dying of shame. The coughs came for quite a long time before he finally calmed down but the amusement in his voice was more than clear when he spoke again. "Any thoughts on drinks, then?"

I sighed, and finally lowered down the catalog, after forcing the wincing away from my characteristics. Most of it, that is. "I don't drink alcohol."

That seemed to snap him out of his amused state. "Really?" he asked, his tone curious. "Why not?"

I dared a glance up his face, but nothing but curiosity emerged from his expression. This reaction surprised me, if not confused me. Every time I told someone I didn't want to drink alcohol I was met with weird looks and raised eyebrows. I had got called a prude, a nerd, a party popper and all sorts of other lovely adjectives. And even though I knew he wouldn't call me any of those names, I still expected to find at least a trace of mocking of some short in his voice. Yet, there was none.

Man, he was good. They should give him an Emmy or something.

"I… I just don't like the taste." I told him the same excuse I told everyone, but the second I did a wave of guilt washed over me, leaving icy trails inside my veins. I frowned. I was not a good liar, but I had learned the hard way that some things were better kept to myself and that only. The things I had come up with to tell people instead of the truth when the matter presented itself, though, seemed by now as if they were some good old poems that I had learned by heart, and after telling them so many times I never even felt bad anymore. I sure didn't own this stranger anything, not along personal information, but yet lying to him felt so wrong for some reason, and I felt so guilty doing so.

He seemed to consider that for a second before he nodded. "Well, I sure get where you're coming from. It tastes pretty bitter." He said with a small wince, and I let out a little surprised huff. I couldn't believe my ears. "What?" he asked in response.

I shook my head. "I just… I didn't expect you to agree with me." I admitted.

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "You just seem like the kind of guy that would appreciate a glass of champagne. Or, well, more than one."

He grinned. "Well, you know that assuming things about people isn't very nice." He pointed out. "But I have to admit that I do enjoy champagne -with the right company. I am generally more of a beer guy, though."

… _Beer?_ "Seriously?" I completely failed to make the connection. I expected champagne and exotic cocktails but beer? That was so… so _ordinary_.

"Seriously. And since we are all about assumptions…" he trailed off, bringing his hand up his face so that he could rub his chin in a gesture of thought. "Hmm, let's see… I assume you are the kind of girl that enjoys orangeade." He said, confidence in his voice.

I smiled. "Nope, but close."

He raised his eyebrows. "Lemonade?"

"No."

"Coke."

I shook my head. "Only on special occasions, but generally no."

He frowned. "Sprite?"

"Almost there."

He groaned. "What else is there?"

He sounded so desperate that I couldn't help but giggle. "I like sparkling water."

His expression immediately changed, from playfully frustrated to… Well, I don't know what it was. He seemed impressed. But not fully impressed, there was something else too as he was staring into my eyes. Some… warmth in his look.

"What?" I asked in advance. "Lots of people like sparkling water."

He blinked and looked away, as if snapping out of whatever it was that suddenly got into him. "No, yeah, I know, it's just…" he mumbled and then closed his eyes and smiled to himself. When he opened them again, he looked back at me, and I frowned confused. "You have a really lovely laughter, April." He explained.

As soon as the words left his mouth I felt my cheeks inevitably growing hot. I watched his eyes lay on my cheeks a moment too long, before suddenly looking up to the waitress that was now standing beside us.

"Hello." She said with a kind smile. "I am Katie and I will be your waitress for tonight. What would you like to drink?"

He looked back at me. "Is this a special occasion?"

I impossibly blushed even deeper, and I didn't even know what on earth he was asking me. _Well, why not?_ I nodded.

"Two cokes, please." He said and the waitress nodded and walked away.

Oh, right. I guess I did mention drinking coke only on special occasions. "You didn't have to get one too just because I did." I pointed out. "You could have just gotten yourself a… a _beer_." It was still hard to imagine him drinking a beer. It was like wearing your pajamas at a gala. I just couldn't make the connection.

"Drinking alone when accompanied by a lovely lady? Now that's just rude."

"Well thank God I am not a _lovely lady_ , then." I said with a huff.

"You are not?" he questioned, quirking one eyebrow. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

His eyes narrowed playfully. "Is there something else under that pretty dress of yours that I should be aware of?"

 _Under my dress?_ What on earth was he…

Oh.

 _OH._

"What?! No! What are you- why would you even… no! I'm a… I'm a girl, like, everywhere, and _down there_ I-" Oh. GOD.

I looked around and found more than a few sets of eyes looking at me with amusement. Because obviously I had been yelling and I could bet everyone in the restaurant had hear my perky voice _. Please let the earth open up and swallow me this is too much._ "I'm a girl." I repeated in a whisper, my face red as a tomato.

And he was laughing. That… that _bastard_ was laughing! "Quit laughing, it's not funny!"

He bit his lip, nostrils flaring and shoulders shaking. I was tempted to actually get up and hit his shoulder, but that's when the waitress came back with our drinks. "Have you decided on what you will order?"

I grabbed the menu and read the first thing in the catalog. "I'll take a _Chicken a La Creme_." I said and she nodded and wrote it down on a little notepad before looking towards _him_.

"Lasagna for me, thank you." He managed to say through gritted teeth, his eyes never leaving mine.

The waitress wrote that down too and walked away, and I clenched my fists, trying not to do something stupid. "Why on earth would you ask me that?" I hissed.

He held his hands up the air in defense. "You are the one that said you weren't a _lovely lady_."

I all but growled. "Well, yeah, _obviously_ I didn't mean I'm not a girl!"

"Well, that would be the only way your statement would make sense to me."

Ha. Yeah, _right_. I grabbed my coke and tried to open the bottle. "Okay, you don't have to do that."

"I'm not doing anything." He exclaimed with an innocent expression.

I rolled my eyes. "Really, just… stop, alright? I don't like it." I mumbled. The coke had the kind of lid that needed a bottle opener to open, and so obviously it didn't want to come out. I scanned the table for an opener but there wasn't one, so I just struggled with the lid, putting all my strength in the action.

"Stop what?"

"Jackson…" I realized that this was the first time I had ever spoken his name out loud. He had a very nice name, I had to admit. A name would like to get used to saying. But never would, obviously. At least, not linked to the person sitting across from me. I sighed. "Look, I know I agreed to dinner but that doesn't at all mean I agreed to…" I paused and closed my eyes. "I don't want you to be my… escort. Or whatever. I know they paid you for that, and I know that's the only reason you are here right now, but I just…" I opened my eyes again, and look down at the bottle in my hands. The stupid thing wouldn't open no matter how hard I tried. "I don't want you to try to make me feel good." I continued. "I don't want you to do or say things in order to make me feel… in a certain way. You don't have to, and it just makes me feel worse for agreeing to even this, so please just stop. I don't want for tonight to be 'my night', and I don't want you to be _mine_. I want you to just…" I lifted my gaze, locking it with his. "Be you. Be honest. Or, you know, don't be if you don't want to be, you don't have to. Do whatever you want. Just don't pretend _for me_." I pleaded, emphasizing the last words.

His eyes were on mine the entire time I was speaking, staring at them with intensity. He didn't speak, and neither did I, and for a long moment we just stared into each other's eyes. It was such a bizarre feeling, to look into somebody's eyes for so long. This was yet another first for me, and I couldn't help but notice his intense gaze didn't make me feel awkward at all, like I had expected. Instead, it made me feel important. After a while he finally looked down at the table and took his own coke in his hands. I watched as he delicately raised his left sleeve and pressed the bottle against the inside of his forearm. He then proceeded to twist it, and with a small popping sound the bottle snapped open.

 _How the..._ I shook my head and I looked down at my hands with a sigh. This whole situation was so messed up. And basically, wasn't what I just asked him also what I wanted? By asking him to not do what I wanted, wasn't I asking him to do what I wanted too?

Man, I wasn't even making sense anymore.

I sighed and decided to attempt to open the bottle once again. I shut my eyes tight and held my breath, and using all of my strength I tried to twist the cap with my palm. A few struggling sounds came out of my mouth but I didn't give up, until I felt something warm against my hand. My eyes snapped open to see his fingers against my skin, brushing it softly. I looked up at his eyes again, their all-too-familiar warmth fully returned. "Let me help."

I handed him the bottle and watched as he placed the cap against his forearm again, putting on it what seemed like just a tiny bit of pressure, and in no time he held the open coke up for me to take.

"Thank you." I mumbled as I took the bottle in my hands.

"You're welcome." He said with a crooked smile and raised his own coke up in the air. "Let's make a toast."

I blinked. "A toast?" What could the _two of us_ possibly have to toast to?

He shrugged. "Why not? Don't you have anything you'd like to toast to?"

 _Here's to not regretting tonight –highly unlikely._

I snorted and he raised an eyebrow at me in response. "Uh no, I can't think of anything." I patched it up.

"Well then…" he trailed off, rubbing his jaw in thought. He frowned then, his eyebrows joined together in an expression I could only describe as an 'angry face', but I was sure he was just thinking and not at all pissed. Still, a wave of satisfaction washed over me at the sight, as I quickly realized he had actually dropped the charming attitude for a second there. That face sure wasn't purposed for charming me. Instead, it was real. And, I had to admit, so damn cute. I bit down on my lower lip to hold back a wide grin.

His 'angry face' gave its place to a short of an embarrassed look, and he rubbed his neck with his hand. "Uh, you know, I actually can't think of a toast that's not dirty right now, and I think you probably wouldn't appreciate something like that." He admitted truthfully.

He looked like a dog that had just peed on the carpet and I had to chuckle loudly at the view. "Yeah, probably not." I agreed. "Cheers?" I offered while grinning.

I noticed his eyes laid on my lips for a moment before he grinned back. "Cheers." He said and raised his coke a bit higher before bringing it to his mouth and taking a few sips. Only when I mimicked his movements did I realize how truly thirsty I had been for some reason, and almost finished up the entire bottle.

"But it's not like I'm into that kind of stuff." He clarified suddenly, as if he was afraid I had misunderstood him. "It's just that the people I usually acquaint with seem to enjoy them a lot so I have memorized quite a few." He stated and slightly shook his head. "But you are clearly nothing like those people." He added with certainty, as if he had known me my whole life instead of a few minutes.

Well, it was true. He probably hanged out with all short of rich sexy women and hot guys with the most expensive cars, who had enormous pool parties every weekend with huge amounts of alcohol and God knows what other substances, went to work with helicopters and lived in a house as big as freaking Seattle. And then there was me, a living and breathing potato that couldn't even afford a place of her own and had to live with her two stupid, supposedly best friends who left her alone with some random… handsome… cute… and kind… and funny- _escort_ , in the middle of nowhere, without a second thought.

Oh, had I mentioned that already? Good.

"Yeah." I exclaimed with a sigh and took another sip of my coke. "I guess I'm definitely nothing like them."

He nodded in agreement. "Definitely not. And I'm so glad that that's the case."

 _Har, har._ Right. And here I thought he had actually dropped the act. "Didn't I just ask you to stop doing that?"

"I thought you asked me to be honest."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on now, really?"

"Didn't you want me to stop pretending?"

"Exactly."

"Well, I'm supposed to do anything you want, so I did."

I groaned. "No! That's exactly what I don't want you to do!"

He frowned. "You don't want me to do what you want?"

"Yes!"

"So I shouldn't stop pretending is what you're saying."

"No!"

"Oh, so I should stop pretending we're just having dinner and treat you like I was paid to do." He concluded. I could see in his eyes that he was playing with me. He knew pretty damn well what I meant.

I groaned. "No, that's not-"

"But if that's what you want then I should probably keep pretending since I'm supposed to do what you don't want, right?"

Okay, he was insane. I huffed. "You don't-"

"So I should _not_ do what you want because if I did I would be doing what you didn't want me to do and that's what you want so I shouldn't do it?"

"Jackson!" I giggled and reached over the table to playfully hit his arm. I knew it sounded weird but I also knew he got it. "Stop! You know what I mean."

He chuckled. "I do, but it just happens you look so cute when you get frustrated and I couldn't help myself."

I buried my head in my hands, hiding yet another blush. "Seriously now?!" Why couldn't he just stop with the stupid lying already?

"Okay, here's what's gonna happen." he said, ignoring me. "The two of us, we are going to make a deal."

I sighed and peeked at him through my fingers. "What kind of deal?" I asked, although my body was too busy reacting to the way he said 'the two of us'. And by reacting I mean the usual heart-racing, stomach-flattering stuff that I had been certain only happened in romantic movies and books until tonight.

"Be open-minded though, okay?" he said, narrowing his eyes cautiously at me.

 _I'm having dinner with an escort, I think that's just as open-minded as you can get._

"Ouch." He said wincing and only then did I realize I had actually spoken that last part out loud.

" _Shoot._ Sorry, I didn't really mean that, I-"

He held up his hand, cutting me off. "Hey, no, it's fair enough. And true. You can't apologize for speaking the truth."

"You can if it's rude to speak it." I disagreed.

He seemed to consider that for a moment. "Well, maybe. I guess you can't tell someone their baby is ugly, even though it looks more like a monkey than a human." He remarked and I chortled. "But still this wasn't rude. You just thought of it and said it. And that must be a great accomplishment for you, come think of it. I assume you are not the kind of person that is easy to win over and get to open up. It sure as hell has been hard for me so far."

"Well, you know that _assuming things about people isn't very nice_." I quoted him, and he grinned widely in response. "But I have to admit that you assume correct. Although I really am not giving you a hard time, that's just an exaggeration."

He pursed his lips. "True. I bet you give others a much harder one, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah… I don't talk to people." I admitted. "Like, ever. I don't start conversations unless it's absolutely necessary, and I just pretty much suck at social interactions. I have two good friends, the ones behind all this, and then their boyfriends are pretty cool too, but that's it. Although now that I mentioned it, even that might change after what they did to me tonight." I grumbled while raising my coke to my lips, only to realize that it was in fact already empty. He didn't miss the frown of mine that followed, and immediately looked for the waitress and ordered two more cokes.

It wasn't until then that I realized we had been here for less than an hour and I had talked to him more than I had ever talked to most of my colleagues all those years we had been working together. This was very unusual for me, to actually have a lively conversation with someone I had just met. In fact, I thought tonight was the only exception to the rule. This guy ahead of me, this guy of all those decent and kind guys that the girls had attempted to set me up with, this guy had to be the guy that made me laugh, made me blush, made my heart race and my stomach flatter. This guy had to be the guy that I wanted to get to know and spend time with. God, I wanted to spend time with the guy that I would never see again after tonight, how ironic was that? And worse yet, having him here in front of me, the dim light of the paper lantern painting dark shadows across his face, ocean blue eyes gleaming with delight as his lips were curled into a charming grin, wide enough for his white, perfect teeth to shine under them, all I wanted to do was lean closer and kiss him.

And that fact scared me to death.

"Don't be too mad at them though, okay?" he said, interrupting my thoughts.

I blinked. "Sorry, what?"

"Your friends. Don't beat them up for this too much. They seemed like they really cared for you, I'm sure they didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable in any way."

"I know, I know…" I let out with a sigh. "They just wanted me to _lighten up_ and _have some fun_ or whatever… And truth is I have been kind of too uptight, and I do know that I have to work on that aspect… But still, I can't believe that they made me do this. They were supposed to know me, to know how I feel about this stuff… And not only did they arrange all these without even asking me, but they basically abandoned me here against my will. They just left. I mean, how could they do this to me?"

It felt like my words hovered in the air, as silence fell between us. The switch of the mood was so sudden that I had to look up at him, confusion written all over my characteristics. And then I saw his face, and I froze. It was empty. I had never even begun to imagine someone's face could actually not express the slightest bit of emotion, but as I was looking at him right now, the emptiness of his expression had a shiver running down my spine. Confused, I then seeked for answers inside his eyes. And those eyes of his… they were a completely different story. They were like ice, transparent. I looked at them and I could see that the ice was like frozen tears. His fears, sadness, weakness, everything was trapped in those eyes. And they suddenly looked so cold, like his stare could freeze the whole world in a moment.

I had touched a soft spot. I played back my last words in my head.

 _They abandoned me._

 _They just left._

Oh, no.

His parents? Probably. To get a reaction like this with a single mention, the roots had to be tracing back to his childhood. Or some other pretty dramatic event closely after. I gulped. "I'm sorry." I mattered, and I hoped he could hear the change in my voice as well. "I'm really sorry, Jackson."

At the sound of his name he looked up at me, his eyes still cold. Detached. "For what?" he asked, the corners of his lips twisting upwards, in what looked more like a grimace than a smile. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

Well, yeah. Obviously he wouldn't want to talk about it. And of course I wouldn't pressure him, although I was rather curious as to what could have earned such reaction from him.

The unison of his hands was placed on the table, fingers tangling and untangling in a rhythmic motion. I didn't think about it much when I leaned closer and reached for it, softly brushing my fingers against his skin. I felt him immediately tense against my touch, his fingers freezing for a brief second. Then, he let out a sigh and untangled his fingers, opening his palms to hold my hand inside his own.

We didn't speak. We didn't move. The only things moving were our hands, caressing each other softly. He was looking down at them, and so was I. I traced my finger against the lines of his palm as his thumb played with my knuckles, and noticed how beautifully the colors of our skins blended together.

A long while passed before I dared a glance at his eyes, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me when I saw the warmth in them had finally returned. "Your hands are cold." He mumbled softly, breaking the silence. I noticed the left corner of his lips slightly twisted upwards and I mimicked him.

"Your hands are warm." I said in contrast. They really were. In fact, every single time he had touched me I had noticed that his hands felt so warm and soft against my skin.

And that was when the waitress appeared, so I quickly pulled my hand away and straightened my body, leaving her enough space to set down a couple of cokes in front of each one of us, as well as a steamy plate.

"Thank you." we both said at the same time and exchanged a little smile before looking away.

Once the waitress was gone, I took a moment to examine my plate. There were three large chicken fillets in the middle, above which was poured a great amount of milk cream mixed with chopped mushrooms. On each corner was also some rice, lettuce, tomatoes and potatoes and I had to admit that the decoration was amazing. It looked really delicious.

I heard a popping sound and looked up, just in time to see a little red cap falling from the inside of his forearm. His sleeve was pulled upwards again, and I could clearly see the veins of his arm popping out. I bit my lip and grabbed my own coke, holding it up to him. "I have no idea how on earth you can do that."

He looked at my hand for a moment before he shook his head. "No, you do it."

I huffed. "Yeah right, there's no way I will ever be able to do this."

"You won't know unless you try."

I huffed. "I never had you as the cheesy-motto type."

He flashed me a crooked smile, his eyes deep into mine. "People can surprise you." He exclaimed, and it sure seemed like there was a double meaning in that sentence of his but I didn't think much of it.

Instead I broke our gaze to look down at the bottle in my hands and frown. "I'm not nearly strong enough to open this." I complained.

"But it doesn't need strength. Just the right technique." He said, and placed the cap back on his coke. "Here, I show you. Place the bottle on you forearm like this." He instructed, pressing the cap against his skin. My dress had no sleeves, so I copied his movement at once. "Good. Now's the tricky part."

I gulped. "There's a tricky part?"

He smirked and winked at me. "Don't worry, sweetheart, you got this."

 _Sweetheart._

From deep inside my chest, through every cell of my body, the warmth took over every cell of my being, leaving me numb in the sweetest of ways.

"Okay, so if you just twist it as it is, it's gonna be hell of a lot painful." He noted, but I was too busy replaying that single word inside my head to actually react any other way but by grinning like an idiot. "But, if you press it hard against your arm and _then_ twist it…" he trailed off and executed the act, making a popping sound with his lips.

 _Sweetheart._

 _Okay, stop, that's enough._

"…Can't we just ask that waitress for an opener?" I couldn't believe they hadn't brought us one in the first place.

"No. Now, come on." He urged me on, pulling down his sleeve and taking a sip from his coke.

I looked down at my positioned hands and gulped. If someone had told me this morning that tonight I would be tutored on how to open up a coke with my forearm by an escort in a fancy restaurant in the middle of nowhere I would have shut them in a madhouse to rot.

With a deep breath, I pressed the bottle on my arm with all of my strength, and then slowly twisted it against it.

The piercing pain shot up fast. "Ouch!" I shrieked and the bottle almost fell from my hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

I sighed. "Told you I couldn't do it."

He shook his head. "Of course you can. You just need some practice."

"Practice on opening bottles?" I asked amused. "You do realize how crazy that sounds right?"

"Not crazier than 'I want you to not do what I want, so you shouldn't do what I want but you also shouldn't do what I don't want because then you'll be doing what I want and-"

"Okay, okay, I got it." I cut him off. "And I don't talk like that." The voice he had used to mimic me had been too high and pierced it was annoying.

"No. No you don't." he agreed. "Okay, just one more try, and then if you can't do it I'll open it for you. Sounds good?"

I glared at him. Why was he making my life so sweetly difficult? "Fine." I grumbled and placed the bottle against my forearm again.

"Hold it more vertically. And twist it very quickly." He instructed.

"Okay coach." He chuckled.

With another deep breath I shut my eyes closed and repeated my earliest movements, but when I came to the twisting part I moved my hand as quickly as I could.

And then I heard a popping sound.

When I opened my eyes back up, I saw the cap falling to my lap, the smell of freshly opened coke reaching my nostrils. I picked up the cap baffled, noticing it had a little white spot on one side, and I looked up at Jackson opened mouthed. He was wearing an enormous, proud smile. "I did it?" I asked in shock.

"Damn right you did."

It was so stupid and childish to get excited about something so small like this, but at the realization of my accomplishment I felt pure joy bubbling up inside my chest, the excitement racing through my veins. "Yes!" I cheered, throwing my hands up in the air.

But when my stupid, clumsy self realized I was still holding an open bottle of coke in my palm, it was already too late. A good amount of liquid left the opening and landed right on top of him. But like, _everywhere._

He blinked twice, coke dripping from his wet eyelids, his nose, his jaw…

And then came the freaking out. "Oh my God, Jackson, I'm so sorry!" I cried, instantly jumping up from my seat and sprinting over there to help him. How though, I had no idea. _Stupid, clumsy self!_ "Are you okay? Oh no, I ruined your clothes didn't I? I'm so sorry! So, so, so sorry! I didn't mean to, just my stupid… Ugh, I'm sorry!" I grabbed a napkin and started mopping his face as quickly as I could. "I should have just let you open it anyways, I can't believe I was stupid enough to-"

"April! April, stop. It's fine, I'm okay, calm down. It's nothing." He assured me with a chuckle.

"No, it's not nothing, you're covered in coke!" I insisted, grabbing more napkins.

"I'm not covered in coke, it was just a couple of drops."

"No it wasn't, it was like half the bottle, and God, you must be so cold, you'll freeze to death! You'll get pneumonia and they'll have to put you on antibiotics for, like, ever and you'll have to stay in the hospital for tests for more than a week and they charge _so much_ you have no idea."

He snorted. "How do you even know this stuff?"

"I'm a surgeon, okay, so just trust me, you'll freeze to death, that thing came straight from the freezer and you can't have it all over your body, you'll get sick!"

"April."

"And plus it's coke so it will stink so bad. Wait, not stink , like, it smells bad, I meant stick, like it's sticky, you know?"

"April-"

"Cause you could never stink, I mean, have you smelled yourself? You smell so incredibly-"

"April!" He grabbed my hand and spun me around, and before I could even begin to comprehend what was happening, I was sitting on his lap, his face inches away from mine. "Calm down." He muttered. "Really, it's okay."

I blinked and my rambling instantly stopped. I was on his lap. He was holding me, his hands were both around my waist now. My left side was entirely touching against his body, his chest, and my hands… my hands were still holding napkins against the sides of his face.

 _I am touching his face._

I let the napkins fall and bit my lip. "I'm sorry." I whispered softly, and began retrieving my hands, when his one hand came and took hold of my right one. Slowly, he brought our hands up his face again so that my palm was cupping his cheek.

"See?" he murmured. "Dry."

The second his hand fell down, letting my own alone on his cheek, I felt the utter urge to explore. To touch him. And when I looked into his eyes, I noticed they were darker than I had ever seen them. He was looking at me with such tension, and I had no idea what that meant, but it somehow made up my mind.

And so I let my fingers unfreeze from their spot and he instantly closed his eyes as they traced patterns down his jawline, up his temples, along his eyebrows, brushing against his eyelashes and then down his nose. "You have freckles?" I whispered in surprise, as I caressed the little dark marks on his skin softly.

He smiled but didn't respond, bringing my attention down to his lips. I bit my own, debating on whether I should let myself touch them or it would get us too far. He really seemed to be enjoying this too, though, and so at last I let my fingers go lower and lower, until they were at the corner of his mouth. And then slowly, I brushed them against his lips as softly as I possibly could.

They were so soft. Like literally, his lips felt like feathers and they were impossibly even warmer than his hands. And then he slightly opened his mouth and let out a breath, which –extremely warm too- tickled my fingers, making my entire body shiver in response. I felt the warm wisp of air hit against my face, and I inhaled in response.

And, God, I thought I had found heaven.

His breath smelled so fresh but sweet at the same time. It reminded me of late spring, the scent of flowers mixed up with watermelon and just a tiny bit of salty ocean breeze . But with a strong dose of coke too. And all I wanted was to just lean closer and breathe more in… I wanted more, I wanted…

I wanted to kiss him.

I _needed_ to kiss him.

But… but he didn't want that too, did he? And I was not going to do anything with him because only I wanted to. I was not going to take advantage of him like that. He had to want it too.

I let my hand fall to my lap. My fingers suddenly felt too cold, but I ignored the feeling. I ignored all the feelings. The feeling of my blood burning as it run through m veins, the feeling of warmth crawling up my chest, the feeling of tension in my belly, and above all the feeling of my pulse pounding like crazy in between my legs. I knew what that last one meant, and I also knew I had to get away from him before I did something stupid.

"The food is getting cold!" I suddenly blurted out and untangled his hands from my waist, jumped up from his lap and quickly made my way to my seat. I sat down, looking at my plate and focusing on my food as if it suddenly was the center of my universe and I had eyes for it and it only. I took a bite, barely tasting the food as my mind was running a thousand miles per hour. "Mmm, it's delicious!" I exclaimed without even knowing if I was lying or not, as I attacked my food like there was no tomorrow. A hard accomplishment by the way, since my stomach was already full. With butterflies.

I didn't dare look at him. How could I? I got carried away. God, I got carried away and I didn't even know how he felt about it. It might have felt horrible for him! Maybe the entire time I was enjoying myself and exploring his face he was praying for the moment I would let go off him to come as soon as possible. Maybe he couldn't wait to get out of here, away from me. Maybe I had touched him against his will… Oh dear Lord. That was sexual harassment! _What did I just do?_

"Why did you do that?" His voice was husky, low and rough. It made something inside me twist and turn, and the feeling was so intense I couldn't tell if it was good or bad anymore.

Oh, he was mad. He was mad, right? He hated me. I made him hate me.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

"I just-" I cut myself off, tears threatening to leave my eyes. "I- I don't know, I got carried away and…" …and I had touched him against his will. I was a harasser. I was a _monster_. "I'm so, so sorry, Jackson, I never meant to-"

"No, no, I meant, why did you… Why did you walk away?"

Uh… _What?_

I blinked and my gaze flew to meet his. I was sure I heard him wrong. I mean, there was no other explanation, right?

"Why did you pull away, I was about to…" he paused. His eyes were still dark, but just a tiny bit lighter, and as they were looking into mine I saw something in them that I recognized pretty damn well. I had felt it so many times. "Am I really that bad?" he asked, the hurt of rejection clear in his voice.

I couldn't believe my ears. "What on earth are you talking about? You're… you're so…"

He shook his head. "Okay, you know what, it's fine, I get it. Don't hurt yourself. You don't feel the same way, it's fine."

 _I don't feel the-_

What on earth…?

"Jackson, you got this all wrong, that's not why I-" I took a sharp breath. "I can't be near you, or I might…"

His eyes were on mine again, the tension in them eating me alive. I felt so many things. So many stupid, amazing things and I felt like I was going to burst any moment, like all those feelings were too much for my body to handle. And the thing was, I didn't want to hold back. I just wanted to touch him. To feel him. To kiss him.

I wanted _him_. All of him.

And what choice did I have but to tell him the truth?

"You know what I'm thinking about right now?" I asked him, slowly shaking my head. "Kissing you. Standing here looking at you, and all I want to do is kiss you."

At my pathetic words, I saw his clenched shoulders instantly relax. His entire body relaxed, but his expression didn't. He wore his 'angry face' again, his eyebrows joined together, his lips curved slightly downwards. "Then why… why didn't you?"

Why didn't I… _kiss him?_ Were we really talking about the two of us, actually _kissing?_ And did he really sound like he actually _wanted_ that to happen, or was I making the whole thing up?

 _Acting, April. It's called acting._

 _Right. True._

Gosh, did I say Emmy? I meant a freaking Oscar. "Because you'd be _pretending_ for me again." I said, as if explaining it to a child for the millionth time. It sure felt like that. "And I won't do anything unless you want me to, how many times do I have to-"

"Okay, okay, stop." He cut me off, holding up his hands. I stopped talking and just studied him for a moment. His lips were pressed together in a straight line, but there was something about those eyes of his that just… It seemed like he was frustrated but relieved at the same time, and I had no idea what to make out of that. "I really think it's time for that deal I mentioned earlier, remember that?"

I nodded, frowning. Now I was really curious to hear what _that_ could possibly have to do with anything.

"Okay, here it goes. So as for my part…" he trailed off and his gaze met mine again I felt the anticipation building up inside my chest. "I am honest." He said, his lips curling into a small smile. "I am true. I don't pretend, I drop the act, I don't lie, I'm not a paid escort, I'm just… I am me." He concluded, and I just stood there staring like an idiot.

Was I hearing correctly? It seemed like I was hearing correctly. But then again I bet I wasn't, because this looked like the deal of a lifetime and yet I had no idea why he was possibly offering it to me. "You don't have to-"

"I want to." He said, slightly shaking his head. "Okay? This is what I want. I want to be true. I want to… I want to just be me with you."

I frowned. Now he really made no sense. What reason did he have to want that? _With me?_ What did that even mean? He acted as if he actually… I don't know, felt something for me, and I mean, we all know how completely and utterly insane and irrational and _impossible_ that is. "And what about _my_ part of the deal?" I asked nonetheless, baffled.

"Oh, that's the hard part." He said with a sad smile. "You have to actually believe me."


	3. Twenty Questions

**Chapter Three - Twenty Questions**

I was gawking. Again.

I had thought that I was done with that, that all the gawking I had done from the moment I had first laid my eyes on him to the moment I had actually began relaxing, had been more than enough for one night but –ha! Nope. No, when it came to him, I guessed there was no such thing as "too much gawking".

Still, for a second there I had actually been able to look passed his breathtaking eyes and gorgeous body. For a second I had been able to just sit back and talk with him about the smallest things, _have fun_ with him, as if we were actual friends. For a second I had gone as far as to even consider him a friend. And just when everything had been going great and I had been feeling the more and more relaxed, I suddenly found myself in his arms, my face so close to his I could swear he was able to hear what I was thinking of.

And from that point and on, everything had changed. The unbearable tension was back, stronger than ever. But this time, it wasn't just his outer beauty that had me captivated to no end. This time I had actually seen a peek of the inside as well. And that was impossibly even more beautiful.

I was still gawking at him from my seat at the table now, as he grabbed a piece of steamy lasagna with his fork and brought it to his mouth, quickly opening the later to shove the food inside and sealing his lips around it. He chewed then, the movements of his jaw muscles highlighted by the shadows the dim light of the paper lantern painted on his face.

I licked my lips.

"You want some?" he asked, and when I looked up at his eyes I quickly came to the realization that he had been watching me all along. There was definitely a smile in his eyes, but it didn't seem cocky or mischievous as it had the first time he had caught me gawking at him. Instead, I would swear he just seemed… pleased.

"Sure." I said with a shrug, but before I managed to even raise my hand to reach my fork, he had already scooped up another piece with his own and was holding it up in front of me.

 _Oh._ Well, that was another way to do it, I guessed. I felt my pulse increasing in an instant but chose to ignore it. Instead, I frowned. Was I supposed to, like, take the fork from his hand and eat the lasagna or just bent over and take it in my mouth as it was?

He misread my hesitation. "Oh, sorry, if you're squeamish you can just use your own fork-"

I didn't let him finish, as without giving it much thought I just leaned closer, opened my mouth and sealed my lips around the fork. I tried not to think about the fact that this was, in fact _his_ fork, which had been in _his own mouth_ seconds ago, but the blood rising on my cheeks was, come think of it, inevitable. Slowly and carefully so that no pieces would fall off, I removed my mouth from the fork and then sat back straight on my seat again.

I barely noticed he was looking at me rather intensively when the taste exploded in my mouth. From the soft, buttery pasta to the delicious combination of juicy seasoned tomatoes mixed with ground meat and softened onions and with just the right amount of cottage cheese… It was the most delicious lasagna I had ever tasted, and in advance I felt my eyes roll back in my scull, as from deep within my throat escaped sounds of pure pleasure. "Jackson, this is so good…" I all but moaned, and at that point, I wasn't even ashamed. It was too delicious to care about anything else.

When I finally came back to my senses, I suddenly realized that the atmosphere had somehow shifted. The air was heavy with tension, and once I looked into his eyes I immediately noticed that same dark tone they had taken when I had been on his lap.

The feeling this look of his gave me was too intense for me to know if it felt too good or too bad. All I knew was that it made me want something, only I had no idea what that something was. Well, apart from the fact that it had to do with things I wanted to do to him. "What?" I dared to ask.

I watched his Adam's apple move up and down as he gulped. "Nothing." He let out through gritted teeth, and I saw him reposition himself on his chair, his body slightly bent forward. He seemed rather uncomfortable in that position, looking almost as if he was in pain, but I didn't push it. After a long moment of his eyes basically consuming my every sense of self restrain until it reached dangerously low levels, he swallowed soundly. With a quick shake of his head, as if to push a thought away, he finally took a sharp breath. "So you're a surgeon?" He asked, though there was no sign of doubt about it in his suddenly raspy voice.

That surprised me, though it probably shouldn't have. I would bet he had already been told most everything about me by now. "Did _they_ tell you that too?"

He looked confused for a second, but then suddenly grinned. "Your friends? No." He huffed. "You did."

I looked up at him in wonder. I did quick rerun of our previous conversations, but had no memory of ever telling him about my job. "When?"

"Right after your prognosis of my upcoming death from pneumonia from the coke you threw at my face." He was smirking now, seeming more relaxed but still not having sat up straight.

Did that guy seriously miss _nothing_?

"Oh." I exclaimed. I took notice of this being an attempt to focus my attention to anything but him for a while, but I decided to just go along with it. I really did need a break from all that tension, I felt like my head would explode otherwise. Or… well. Maybe not my _head_. "Uh… Yeah, I'm a 3rd year resident at Seattle Grey's Mercy West hospital." I started. "I pretty much spend all my time there, I guess… but I still somehow can't afford a place of my own so I just live with Lexie and Reed in a small apartment."

"Reed is Charles' girlfriend, right?" he asked.

"Oh, right, you know him." Of course he did, they had freaking worked together. I recalled the moment Reed had told me what Charles' previous job had been. Let's just say I hadn't taken that very well. The poor guy had seemed so genuinely confused that I got from being completely comfortable around him to avoiding him like plague in the same day. However, I had to admit that even though I had been sort of pissed at Reed for letting me around him without mentioning something like that to me, had she told me that before I got to know him we probably wouldn't be such close friends now. But then again, I knew this about Jackson before I even saw him and look at us now. "Reed said you two are close?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He's my best friend."

I tried to imagine it for a second, Charles – _the_ Charles, the same Charles that slept in my house almost every night and devoured the pancakes I made for breakfast like some hungry bear, that had the most awkward dance moves that made you cringe harder than the thought of sticking a wedge cocktail stick under your toenail and kicking a wall with it- that same Charles, hanging out with Jackson. Charles had now become such a huge part of my everyday life, and picturing him along with _him_. It just felt so off. "This is so odd… I mean, I can't even imagine you being in the same room as him, not along being his best friend. You two are nothing alike."

He quirked one eyebrow. "Are we? How?" he smirked.

 _How?_ What kind of question was that? "You mean, apart from the fact that he's a huge dorky teddy bear with a disturbing pancake addiction and you are just so…" I trailed off, my words fading.

I watched his eyes slightly narrow, as he seemed rather curious about what the rest of my sentence would be like. "I'm just so…?" he urged on.

I realized at that point that I actually had no idea what I wanted to say. How do you describe… well, perfection? Okay, yes, nobody is perfect, but he seemed to literally be as close to it as possible. There had to be some kind of catch! In any case, it wasn't like there was any chance I was ever going to say anything like that out loud anyway. I might had lost most of my critical thinking but I hadn't entirely lost my mind. Yet.

I pursed my lips and settled to a simple "You."

He was silent for a moment, and I noticed he actually seemed disappointed at my answer. "Am I really that bad that you can't even find a single good thing about me?" he mumbled then, the sound of the genuine bitterness of his voice hitting me like an electric shock. He sounded… Hell, he sounded kind of _hurt_.

I snorted without a single sign of amusement. "No." I muttered. "No, Jackson, _God_ , no…" I shook my head. "You're not… _bad_. You're anything _but_ that. That's the problem."

His head flinched back slightly, eyes narrowing. "Why is that a problem?"

 _Oh, great. Explain that to him now, dufus._

I blinked a couple of times. "Um… just…" I gulped. "Nothing, forget it."

A while passed after that, and before I knew it, we got ourselves engaged into a handful of conversations. I soon noticed he had finally sat back straight to his seat, and whatever it was that had been bothering him seemed to have just gone away. As for me, I found myself being captivated by the way his voice came out all light and bubbly as he talked about his interests –them mostly evolving around sports, an area I was completely unfamiliar with- or the way he moved his hands around as he described his childhood home in Boston, bringing his words to life.

He didn't mention any parents. I didn't push him.

I, on the other hand, told him all about the farm in Moline that I grew up in, about my religious bringing, my strict but loving parents, my three annoying sisters…

"Oh, so there are more little-red-Kepners around! That's exciting." He had responded while wiggling his eyebrows, and I had shoved him away in response.

After a long round of exchanging sweet memories and hilarious incidents of our past –or rather, my past mostly- we had somehow ended up playing something like twenty questions, and unfortunately for me his questions just kept becoming the more and more intimate.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" he asked me at one point, and my blood lost no time to run up to my face.

"Yes." I simply answered, and immediately moved on to the next question without checking for his reaction. "How did you get the scar on your forehead?"

"Climbed up a tree, slipped, fell on a fence." His voice came out indifferent, and his words accompanied a shrug.

I widened my eyes. "My God, how old were you?"

"Eight. And that was two questions, so I get two in return." He smirked. "How many times have you kissed someone?"

… _and there it is._

I rubbed my neck, blushing even deeper. "Uh… two."

He pursed his lips. "Who did you kiss?"

 _Goodness._ This was too much, why did all those even matter? "Uh, first a boy in kindergarten when I was five and then just this one guy in high school…" I winced at the memory of that last one, and then quickly pushed the thought away. "Have you ever gone camping?" I asked quickly.

"No. Why did you just wince?"

I sighed. I guess I had that one coming. "His name was Bright, and I had a… kind of a huge crush on him, I guess." I admitted. "And then there was this party that I never wanted to go to at the first place and we played truth or dare even though I never wanted to play. And kissing him was the dare his stupid friend gave me." I shrugged. "And that's it, I guess. It was just a peck. But before that, obviously, he didn't even know I existed." I bit my lower lip and looked down at my hands. "I mean, we had almost all classes together and he still thought my name was 'Hannah' or something…" I huffed.

He shook his head in disbelief, his jaw clenched. "Fucking asshole."

I glared at him. "Don't call him that. He turned out to be a very nice guy to your information."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Bright and I actually became friends after that." I informed him. "Well, not like _real_ friends…" I noted. I didn't have any real friends back then, but that wasn't a story I was willing to share. "But he waved at me every time he saw me. And sometimes he would invite me to sit with him and his friends at the cafeteria table, which was kind of cool." I shrugged. "He was fun. Anyways, back to you. What's your favorite food?"

He didn't answer immediately. Instead he seemed to process the information I had just given him carefully. "Uh… waffles." He exclaimed after a while.

I snorted. "Waffles are not a food."

"You are horribly wrong at that one", he pointed out a finger at me in the form of a warning, "but that's a discussion for another time."

I tried to contain a huff. _Another time._ How ironic was that coming out of someone who was about to say goodbye to me for good in a few… _hours?_ Not even. Did we even have _one_ hour left?

I let out a long breath in the form of a sigh and took a bite of my chicken. "Your turn." I mumbled while chewing.

"Have you ever had an orgasm?"

I choked.

"Shit, are you okay?" He asked, his tone urgent as his eyes widened.

I held up a hand to calm him down. "Fine." I spat out between coughs.

 _Well, this is going perfect._

His eyes were apologetic, but there was a cocky smirk on his lips. "Sorry, I probably should have waited for you to swallow before I asked that one."

I glared at him incredulously. "You think?!" I asked, my voice rising, and so did the blood on my face.

His eyes squinted, lit with a twinkle of mischief. "So? Have you?"

I felt a heaviness in my stomach and I quickly wrapped my arms around myself. "I think so." I answered with a tiny voice.

He paused his every movement and looked back at me with curiosity, his head slightly tilting to the side as if expecting to hear more.

 _Yeah, right._ "Do you cook?" I spat out the first question that popped into my head, eager to change the subject.

"Yes. What do you mean you think so?"

I covered my face with my hands, letting out a groan. "Can't you just ask normal questions?"

"Only when you stop giving quizzical answers." He replied.

My neck and ears felt impossibly hot as a result of my rapid heartbeat. "I've never told this to anyone…" I whispered, my voice coming out so weak I actually pitied myself. "It's weird."

Every sign of amusement left his face at the blink of an eye. He slowly bent closer, a slight frown on his features. "I'm sure it's not", he said softly, "but even if it is, I promise I won't judge."

Looking down, I took hold of the coke cap that was sitting on the table next to my hand and started playing with it with my fingers. "I don't want to answer." I mumbled.

With the corner of my eyes I saw him pause for a moment, before slightly nodding and slowly sitting back straight on his seat. "Okay. That's okay." He said, his voice dripping honey. "I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable."

I dared a glance his way, and he was looking back right at me. I looked back down. It wasn't like I didn't want to tell _him_. But the idea of actually saying it out loud was just too intimidating. "Your turn." He muttered after a moment of silence.

I sighed. "Favorite singer?"

"Prince." He said the name like a prayer, and I actually just had to look up and give him a small smile. "The one and only." He added and took a bite of his food. "Okay, here's an important one." he licked his lips.

Oh, great. Important question by his definition? He would probably ask me to describe my _vagina_ , for Christ's sake! I held my breath.

 _Here it comes._

"Dip or shower?"

I blinked. "Uh… what?"

"The fries." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Do you dip them in the ketchup or shower them with it?"

I giggled. _Jesus._ "Uh, dip."

He winced and sealed his lips tight, shaking his head in disapproval. "Damn. Well, it's too bad that it had to end this way. It was nice knowing you, April." He said and made a move to stand up.

"Hey!" I yelped. "Where do you think you're going, Mr.? Leaving a lovely lady to dine alone is rude."

"Well, _thank god you're not a lovely lady, then_." He said smirking and I recognized my former words.

I rolled my eyes. "Touché. Sit back down, it's my turn."

He sat himself on his seat, chuckling all the way.

"Favorite color?" I asked, although my mind was suddenly elsewhere. All of my attention was focused on debating on whether I should actually tell him more about the… _the orgasm_ thing or just shut my mouth and keep asking questions. I knew he wouldn't judge, and even though just the thought of getting into more detail -with him of all people- seemed truly uncomfortable if not absolutely terrifying, I knew that I would never gather enough courage to tell anyone else. And especially the girls. They wouldn't shut up about it afterwards, and that was the last thing I needed. So this would pretty much be my only chance to get it out, to share it with someone. The question was... Did I want to share it?

"Probably gray." He muttered while shoving another piece of lasagna in his mouth. "Dark gray. Favorite author?"

I wrapped my arms around my waist, hugging myself firmly. "Stephen King." I murmured, and without thinking too much of it I added "It was a dream. A steamy dream. Favorite season?"

His head shot up instantly, his eyes slightly widening but he didn't comment. Instead, he blinked and looked back down at his plate, chewing his food slowly, before finally swallowing. "Fall." I could tell he was eager to get more information out of me. Yet, he didn't ask.

I took a deep breath.

"I don't remember what he looked like." I began, and as I glanced at him quickly to see all his attention was on me. I looked down at my hands, my fingers tangling and untangling rhythmically. "But I remember he... he touched me", I gulped, "in... places and..." I bit my lip. Was I really going to say it? Did I really have the guts? I aware of my frantic heartbeat pounding against my neck, my ears, as bright red color filled every inch of my pale skin. "And when I woke up I was... I was sweating and panting and all hot." I spat out quickly.

Not daring to look at him now I listened for any kind of reaction. When I got nothing, I just decided to simply pour everything out, and deal with the outcome later. "I had this feeling... this intense feeling of my pulse pounding _down there_. Hard. And I just needed to touch it, to make it stop and... and I did. But it didn't stop, it just kept getting all the more intense. Of course I knew by then what it was, I knew what I was doing, but I didn't freak out." I huffed. "For once I didn't freak out, I mean..." I shook my head. I was still impressed with how calmly I had handled this.

"And there was this _tension_ that just kelp building up. It felt like..." I trailed off, struggling to find the right words. I noticed how my hands were in the air now, turning my words into movements on their own command. "Like when you're in the roller coaster", I exclaimed, "and it's nearing the highest spot, and you can just feel it that afterwards, the fall will be amazing and thrilling and nothing like you've felt before, and that's so damn exciting but also so... so _terrifying_." I muttered, my voice dropping to almost a whisper. "But I just couldn't stop, you know? I was too high on the rails to go back now, so I kept going higher and higher and higher until... Until I reached the top. And then I started falling." I closed my eyes. "And it felt…"A shiver run down my spine at the memory. Every ounce of my body had felt numb and alive. My things had been shaking, my heart racing, my back had arched as my fingers clung onto the bed like I was holding on to dear life.

"It felt good." His voice came out rough and deep, and at his words my head instantly shot up, my eyes flying to his own. He was leaning forward now, his now darkened eyes glossing over, softening, as his lips slightly parted.

My tongue darted out to lick my own lips. "It felt good." I agreed, a sigh escaping from deep within my throat. I felt the hair rising on my arms and nape, a pleasurable shiver running through my body.

"Shit, April…" he hissed then, so softly I didn't know if he actually meant for me to hear. His eyes shut closed and his body slightly bent forward again, just like it had before. I was just about to ask him what was bothering him, when his one hand rose to rub his face, while the other traveled down across his abdomen, reaching so low it disappeared under the table.

And then it hit me. " _Oh._ " I muttered, my eyes widening.

He peeked at me through his long eyelashes, grimacing extensively. "Yeah." He mumbled. " _Oh_."

I could feel the heat instantly growing in my cheeks, my skin feeling like it was on fire. I figured this time they must have been beyond a simple rosiness, though. I probably looked like I had dipped _my own head_ into the ketchup instead of the fries. And in the shocked state I was in, I couldn't even bring myself to care.

 _He is having an erection._

The truth in my mental phrase hit me like a brick, and my hand flew to cover my mouth. Had _I_ done that? Was this because of _me?_ Had I seriously just caused a guy to have an erection? And not just a guy, _him_.

I had caused _Jackson_ to have an _erection._

Wait, no. _Two_ erections.

 _Oh. My. Goodness._

"Crap." I whispered.

He snorted. "Crap?"

I shook my head, my movements rapid. "Uh… not crap!" I all but yelped, and gave myself a mental slap in response. "I mean, I'm sorry!" I spat out, having no idea what else to say. "Holy crap… Wh-why?" I stammered.

He looked like he could barely hold back a laugh.

"No wait, don't answer that!" I cried, and then buried my head into my hands. "Oh. My. _God._ " I groaned.

He finally chuckled, a tiny bit of nervousness in his voice. "April, relax. It's just a boner. It'll go away."

 _Dear Lord, tell me I am dreaming, please._ "I'm sorry." The words came out muffled as my palms pressed against my mouth.

"No, I'm sorry." He said back, and his tone was so genuine I just had to peek at him through my fingers. "You were telling me about your experience and I was a poor excuse of a listener." He huffed and shook his head.

"No you weren't. You're a great listener." I mumbled against my palms again.

"But you're a horrible speaker, you know I can't make out a word you say like this, right?" He teased with a grin.

I rolled my eyes and with a sigh I let my hands fall to my sides. "I said you are a great listener." I repeated. "You've been listening to me talk about the most boring stuff all night and you actually still show interest." I snorted. "I mean, you got some serious talent there, I think you're the first person that managed to do that for so long. It's Guinness-record worthy."

"Nothing you said was boring." He disagreed with a frown while repositioning himself on his seat.

I gaped at him. "I told you about the cows I milked every morning."

He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "The farmer's daughter in the barn is every man's secret fantasy."

I gasped and shoved him away. "Shut up!" I shrieked, and he burst out laughing, holding his sides tightly. I couldn't help but chuckle along.

After our laughter died down, a moment of silence followed. His eyes were on me again, and I bashfully focused my attention on my food, moving the mushrooms around with my fork.

"Tell me more." He suddenly said.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes, still grinning. "About what?"

"About you."

I quirked my eyebrow as I threw a mushroom inside my mouth. "What would you like to know?"

"Everything." He simply answered, and as soon as it left his lips his expression suddenly clouded the slightest bit. I was sure that I wouldn't have even noticed the change back when I had first saw him, but now with satisfaction I realized I had begun to actually be able to read him. Before I managed to ask him what was wrong, though, he just shook his head, shoving whatever it was that was bothering him away. "Just tell me about… I don't know, anything that comes to mind." He said and then shrugged. And for the weirdest reason, that little gesture –so casual and indifferent- suddenly felt just wrong. It didn't fit. Not with the warmth in his eyes. Not with all the emotion in his voice. He seemed to be anything but indifferent.

And too occupied by that fact, I just did exactly what he asked for once, and just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "I had a nose job."

… _Wow._

He snorted. "What?"

 _Oh, this is pure gold._ I winced. "No wait, I didn't mean that! I mean I meant it, but I didn't mean it like that. It doesn't mean what you think it means." I raised my hands to rub my temples.

He narrowed his eyes, amused. "…Okay?"

I groaned. "It wasn't a cosmetic surgery, alright? I just… It broke. And it needed surgery to get fixed, so." I pointed towards my nose. "Nose job."

He leaned his head sideways. "How the hell did you break it so bad?"

At his words I immediately felt my chest tighten, a slight tenseness in my muscles. "Um..." I trailed off, glancing down at my hands uneasily. The silver cross that was hanging from the thin chain around my wrist glittered like the sun-kissed ocean lapping the sands under the candlelight. I reached to touch it, my fingers gliding smoothly across the cold metal. "It was an accident." I murmured. "I fell."

A long moment of heavy silence passed as he didn't respond. Other than the sounds of forks clunking and people talking in the distance, it was so quiet that I could hear each breath he took with ease. I noticed his one hand was on the table, frozen mid-move on its way to grab his coke. And that's when I knew he knew.

"You didn't really fall, did you?" he asked, as if confirming my thoughts, his voice suddenly seeming too thick in contrast to its previous light tone.

I let out a long breath in an attempt for the sudden heaviness in my chest to go away. "Not on my own." I admitted softly. There was no point in hiding it, I figured.

His body stiffened, the sound of his rhythmical breath stopping at once. "Who did this to you?"

My fingers wrapped around the small cross on my wrist, sealing it protectively in my fist. "It was just a couple of boys at school." I mumbled. "No big deal."

His nostrils flared. He slowly shook his head at me in disbelief. "They _broke_ _your nose_ , April, it is a fucking big deal!" he all but shouted, anger burning in his voice. Startled, I rose my gaze to meet his only to notice the icy tightness in his eyes, cold and hard. "How?" he simply asked.

I sighed. "Why does it even matter?"

"How?" He repeated, his voice now demanding.

I let go of my cross and brought my hand up to my face instead, using it to rub my temple. "It was… just those two guys from an older class that used to pick on me. Pretty hard. I used to just put my head down and try to shut them out, to not listen to the things they said. And I was good at it." I paused to swallow hard. "But one day some things happened at home and I was feeling so overwhelmed… And once they came at me again, I pretty much just attacked them." I smiled sadly. "I kicked one of them in the balls and punched the other in the face. Stupid me, I thought I could really put up with both of them, I mean…" I shook my head and let out a bitter huff. "I couldn't even open a can, not along… Anyway, I soon realized my mistake and tried to ask for help. There were just a few people in the hall at that time and they didn't even care." I gulped. "And then one of the guys grabbed me by the neck and smashed my face against the wall. My glasses broke and a piece actually scratched my eye, and my nose, it just…" My voice died out, the words fading.

I didn't dare look at him at first, but after a long while of getting no response I finally allowed myself a single glance. White knuckles from clenching his fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, his hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid - burning, slicing, potent. His face was almost red with suppressed rage, and yet he didn't snap like I expected him to. "What did they do to them?" he asked instead through gritted teeth.

I felt a light quiver in my stomach and in advance I bit the inside of my cheek. I was surely not expecting such a strong reaction from his part, and I had no idea what to make out of it. "Nothing. I never told on them. I just said I fell down on my face." I said, and before he had time to speak I held up a hand to stop him. "I _know_ what you're gonna say, okay? Yes, I probably should have said something, and yes they deserved to be punished for that. I know. But at the time I was just so scared. I thought if I told my mom or the principal about it, things would just get a million times worse. I was sure they were going to make my life a living hell and it was bad enough already, I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire."

His hand rose to his face, veins straining against the skin of his forearm, dark fingers rubbing his forehead with such force the tips turned white. "April…"

"I know." I sighed. "I know."

His mouth opened to let out a shaky breath. "Where were your friends during all these? Why were you alone?" he questioned, his voice almost cracking with emotion.

The tension in his eyes had my stomach tangle up in a knot and I tightly wrapped my arms around it in advance. "I didn't have any friends." I admitted quietly.

His expression froze for a second, before he quickly shook his head in disbelief. "You didn't…" his voice faded as an extensive wince took over his characteristics. "…have any… friends." He repeated slowly.

"Jackson, it's okay." I reassured him, even though I had no idea why he had taken this so heavily. To say I was confused with the intensity of his reaction would be the understatement of the century. "Really, it's fine. I got over it, like, in no time. I'm used to this stuff, they don't really affect me anymore." I said, and to emphasize my words I accompanied them with a shrug.

He took a sharp breath, his eyes flickering between the two of mine as he wore a deep frown. "Why?"

I blinked rapidly. "What do you mean _why?_ "

"Why didn't you have any friends?"

I huffed. What kind of ridiculous question was that? Either he hadn't been paying attention to me at all this whole time, or he was simply plain blind. "Oh, come on. I mean, have you even seen me?" I let out a snort.

"Yes." His answer came faster than a heartbeat, but his tone showed there was more he wanted to say. Curious, I waited a moment for him to collect his thoughts as I watched his shoulders raising and falling rhythmically.

It wasn't long before he looked up at me again and slightly tilted his head to the side. "Yes, I've seen you." he repeated. "And you know what else I have done? I've met you, and I've talked to you. And I've gotten to know you. Not fully, obviously. You can't completely know a person from simply spending a few hours with them. But I've seen you clamp up, I've seen you frown, I've seen you get embarrassed and mad and sad. And… and I've also seen you laugh." He added and grinned then, warmth finally filling his eyes. "With that lovely laugh of yours, loud and melodic, while you throw your head back and your shoulders shake so bad I think you'll pass out but you somehow always recover." He shook his head and softly chuckled.

"And I've seen you blush." He added. "With that lively red color that doesn't just cover your cheeks but goes all the way down to your neck, and I just can't help but wonder if it actually feels as warm as it looks. And then I've seen you smile…" He raised his hand to rub his neck, letting out a small huff. "With that smile that's so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness, and your dimples… God, your dimples, I mean…" he trailed off and shook his head. And then his eyes left mine, falling to the paper lantern lighting the table. He reached to touch it, long delicate fingers playing with a small piece of paper sticking out at the top. "Yeah. Yeah, I've seen you April." He mumbled.

I was looking at him in shock, speechless. The breaths were coming rapid out of my slightly husking mouth, my heart hammering inside my chest faster than I thought was possible. I didn't know what to say, what to think, it was as if my mind was suddenly blank. No, not blank. Full. My mind, my body, every cell of my very being was suddenly so full of emotion that I had no room left to think. I slightly became aware of the all too familiar blush burning through my cheeks, my face feeling like a hot oven.

Once he finally glanced at me again his eyes lit up at once. "There it is again." He let out in a soft murmur and I immediately looked away, biting down on my lower lip. Hard.

But when I sensed some movement with the corner of my eye I gazed towards him again, only to see his right hand slowly but steadily lifting upwards, nearing my face. My breath hitched in my throat at once, my eyes flying to his face. He wore a slight frown, his eyes focused on my skin. He seemed to be hesitating a bit, carefully watching my reaction. And the thing was, I really just didn't know what my reaction was. I had no idea what my face was like. But whatever it was, it seemed to be just enough for him to go on. His hand lifted higher and higher, until it finally reached my cheek, his fingers barely brushing against my flashed skin.

His touch felt like feathers, so soft and light that it sent chills through my entire body. I closed my eyes, and slightly tilted my head towards his hand so that his entire palm was now against my skin, fully cupping my cheek. I felt him hesitate for a brief moment before his thumb began caressing my skin, leaving trails of warmth in its track. It moved in circles, tracing the same patterns on my cheek, until I suddenly felt it change its course and softly brush against the tip of my lips. At the unexpected contact I let out a sharp breath and my eyes quickly shot open. I glanced down at his thumb, the chills his touch gave me having me instinctively biting down on my lower lip and in response his thumb moved slightly upwards, reaching the spot where my teeth met my skin as he softly pulled down on it, freeing my lip from my teeth's grip. And then, he softly traced his thumb over my wet lips, caressing them in the softest of whispers.

The lust, the undeniable desire was there again strong as ever and I had to hold myself back from kissing his warm finger or even pulling it in my mouth and letting my lips seal around it. The thought of those actions suddenly seemed so appealing, so tempting that, surprised, I found myself wondering; was this what he had felt when I was touching his face too? Could it even be possible that my touch had made him feel the same way?

The truth hit me then out of nowhere, and I wasn't at all prepared for the feeling that suddenly conjured my chest, like a sudden squall out at sea as bullets of rain from ragged black clouds came pounding down with absolute brutality.

 _No._

 _No, it wasn't._

Of course, _of course_ he hadn't felt like this. Why would he possibly feel like this? Feel _anything_ , actually, for me. He was an escort, for Christ's sake. Making me feel like this was his job, this was exactly what he was paid for. How could I let myself even consider the possibility that I, out of _all_ people, could have caused him to feel something more than… well, _boredom?_ I immediately pulled away.

He quickly withdrew his hand looking back at me with confusion in his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Did I… was that bad? Did you not want me to-"

"No, no. It's fine." I cut him off, my tone harsher than I meant to. There was no reason to be mean towards him. It was I that had let my mind spin out of control, he had done nothing but his job.

"It's clearly not fine." He said. "What's the matter?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"April." He mumbled, and with the side of my eyes I noticed he leaned a bit closer. "You were all about me being honest and now you're the one holding out on me?" he asked, his voice dripping honey. "What's wrong?"

I finally looked up at him, and he was looking back at me intensely. There was a small, reassuring smile playing on his lips, and at the sight I humorlessly huffed. "I just forgot I was only another job of yours for a moment there." I admitted while shaking my head. I let out a bitter laugh. "Stupid me."

His smile died faster than wisps of smoke dissipated after a candle flame has been snuffed out. He took in a sharp breath, and I watched his eyebrows immediately drawn together. And then, to my surprise, he actually shook his head. "No. No, that's not…" he stopped himself mid-sentence and his one hand rose to rub his forehead.

 _That's not… what?_ Not the truth? Because it certainly was and we would both know he'd be lying to my face did he claim otherwise. I looked up at him incredulously. _What_ , I wanted to ask him, _does not sleeping with you make me extra special?_ But once I actually took notice of the look in his eyes, every sense of sarcasm I had vanished to thin air in a split second.

He looked genuinely conflicted. Troubled, even. As if there was a battle inside of him, and he was desperately trying to pick a side. His gaze flew from my one eye to the other, sizing me up, and I was certain that confusion was written all over my characteristics. I realized then he seemed like he wanted to tell me something, something important, and was debating on whether he actually should. Why else would he look so torn? And so I gave him a small, reassuring smile, in an attempt to encourage him. To my surprise, it actually worked.

He took a deep breath. I held mine. "Look, April, I… I need to tell you som-"

"Ready for desserts?" the waitress suddenly popped out of nowhere, cutting him off.

If a glare could kill, she'd be rotting in the darkest depths of Hell by now.

 _Bitch,_ I thought and then I immediately gasped and brought my hand up to cover my mouth, even though I hadn't actually spoken the word out loud.

The waitress smiled at me. "Yes, I know it's very exciting." She commented politely.

 _Ha._ Right. I tried to smile back, but I was sure it looked more like a weird grimace than a smile.

"So what would you like for me to get you?" she asked.

"Surprise us." Jackson mumbled, staring directly into my eyes.

"Oh. Sure, okay." She chirped, and then instead of leaving she began gathering the dishes like the good, caring waitress she was.

 _Perfect. Just perfect._

I sighed and decided she would be gone a moment earlier if I actually helped a bit, so I started placing my fork and empty cokes on top of my plate, before handing it to her.

"Aw, you're so nice, thank you." she mused, and I just gave her another bright grimace.

When she finally left, I looked back at Jackson, but he was now looking somewhere behind me, his eyes unfocused. After a long moment of silence, I cleared my throat. "Uh… what were you… What were you going to say?" I asked.

He snapped out of whatever it was he was thinking of. When his gaze met mine, his eyes were frozen over like the surface of a winter puddle, robbing them of their usual warmth. They were cold. Cold and distant. "Nothing." He said with a smile that didn't even begin to look real. "Nothing, forget it."

My head shot back at once, my elbows pressing against my sides.

 _Of course._ Of course it was nothing. I was nothing to him. Nothing but a stupid job, just another source of money. He had probably slept with a dozen more women just this week, and I was simply just another _chick_ he had to put on a show for. Just another name on his already full agenda. _April Kepner – Virgin. Be extra sweet and throw in a lot of compliments._

I shook my head at myself. It wasn't like I hadn't known what I was doing when I agreed to this. The dinner, the deal… Ha, the deal! Honesty, right? He'd be honest with me, he would drop the act and be himself, and I just had to believe him. Just another trick I had for a moment fallen for. Just another typical lie that I had somehow foolishly believed. How… How stupid had I been? How naïve? How could I even… just for a second I had actually…

And there it was again. That overwhelming feeling that had no business covering me, those rainy bullets that hit me with no mercy. Only this time the drops were frozen over, the chilling ice piercing my chest and making me wrap my arms around me in a doomed attempt to protect me. I tried to swallow but the lump that was suddenly in my throat made it almost impossible. I bit my lip and felt the wetness in my eyes increase dangerously.

 _Oh, hell no. You are not crying. You are not going to cry, do you hear me? Not for him, not for anyone. Pull your crap together._

I cleared my throat, my eyes falling down to my plate. I grabbed my fork with force and began pushing the mushrooms around my plate without taking a single bite.

A long moment of heavy silence passed before he sighed. I heard the sound of fabric moving, and before I could check what he was doing I felt his hand on mine, stopping my movement. "April…" he murmured.

I let go of the fork and pulled my hand away. "Don't." I snapped. "Just don't."

I heard him gulp before his hand disappeared from my eyesight. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I'm sorry, but I really think it would be better if… if we stopped this before-".

I didn't even care to begin registering what he was saying. "Why?" I cut him off, unable to hold that little word back anymore. It had been burning my tongue, eager to escape my mouth and I just couldn't help but finally let it. "Why even bother? We'll just finish eating and you'll take me home, right? Like you promised you would." I reminded him. "Why put so much effort to make me… What's the point of being so damn…" I let out a frustrated breath, unable to find the right words. "Look, I get that this must be an everyday thing to you, fancy dinners and sweet-talking and all _this_." I gestured between the two of us. "And you must think so little of it and not even get affected by it in the very least, I get it, I understand. But you have to realize that that is _not_ the case when it comes to me." I pointed out with a bitter laugh. "I don't go out with people, I don't talk to people, I don't open up to people and people don't like me, they don't notice me, they don't even know I exist and so when you are being like this, acting like that around me, making deals and promises you don't intent to keep, I just can't help but…" I shook my head. "God, I don't even know why I agreed to this, this was such a _stupid_ idea!"

His face was all crumpled up. "The deal?"

"Everything!" I all but cried. "The dinner, the… Damn it, I knew this would happen!"

"What would happen?"

I froze and looked at him.

 _I would fall for you._

Knowing me, I couldn't believe I hadn't even thought about it twice before I gave in to the temptation. I knew resisting him would be a million times harder had I began talking to him, laughing with him, knowing him. I had known this would happen and I still had done nothing to prevent it, and now he was right here in front of me acting like he actually cared. Like he actually felt something. And even though I was certain that wasn't at all the case here, just the possibility had my insides twisting around like some kind of, and I knew I was beginning to get attached. And if I got attached… If I got attached I wouldn't be able to think about anything or anyone but him. I wouldn't be able to sleep, to eat, to breathe, not along work. He would be in my head all the time, conjuring my mind and soul, and I know that sounded really messed up, but it was just how things went with me. I was a passionate person. I could shut things out, I could detach myself and not care, but if I actually made the mistake to let my walls down, to let someone in… Then that's where they stayed. In me, in all of me, in every cell of my body. If I let myself feel there would be no coming back.

And the thing was… I was afraid that it was already too late.

I took a sharp breath. I had to stop this now. I _had_ to get out of there. "You know what? Just forget it." I spat out and I quickly stood up, my chair making a rasping sound as it scraped the wooden floor. "I'm going home. Goodnight."

"…What? No, don't-" He made a move to stand up but I held up my hand in front of him, gesturing him not to.

"Thanks for tonight, it was very nice. I'm happy it was you." I mumbled with a small smile. "Goodbye, Jackson."

And with those last words I turned my back at him and with rushed steps I made my way to the entrance. I pushed the door open with force and walked down the front stairs of the restaurant. Only once I reached the sidewalk and heard the loud sound of the door shutting closed behind me did the chilling April breeze suddenly hit me. I realized I had no jacket, and my short-sleeved dress left the majority of my arms and legs completely exposed to the cold. I wrapped my arms around myself and took in my surroundings. The street was quiet again, with not a single sign of life, just like it had been when I had first got here. The silence was so unusual for the overcrowded city of Seattle, with only faint traffic sounds to be barely heard in the distance. The few streetlights were the only sources of light, painting the road with a dim yellow color while all side-streets were completely covered in darkness.

I was about to pull my cell out to call a cab when it finally occurred to me that I wasn't holding my purse. In fact, I hadn't had it with me all night. I had been so eager to just go take a look at him through the glass wall and then go back home that I hadn't even bothered taking my purse with me. I had left it in Lexie's car.

I groaned. _Perfect. Just perfect._

I had no idea where I was, I was cold and alone, I had no cellphone to call a cab… In my despair, I was ready to make my way back to the restaurant when I finally remembered that, on our way here, we had come across a much more crowded street just a few blocks away. If I made my way there I would definitely find myself a cab to take me home.

I took a deep breath and with newfound determination I started crossing the road with a quick pace, walking towards the spot where Lexie had first parked the car. The moment I stepped on the sidewalk across the street, I heard the door slamming open. "April, come on!" I heard his voice yell from behind me. The loud sound of the door shutting was followed by the numerous thuds of his hurried footsteps. "Stop, damn it!"

I moved my feet faster. "I'm going home!" I shouted, my gaze set in front of me.

I heard him sigh. "The car is the other way."

"I'm not going with you!"

He huffed. "Don't be ridiculous. You can't just walk back!"

"Why?"

"Rapists? Murderers? God knows what kind of people are wandering around the streets at this hour!" his voice seemed to be coming from closer and closer by the second, and I knew it wouldn't be long before he reached me. Not a hard achievement, by the way, considering my heels.

I tightened my hands' grip around my body. "I'm getting a cab!" I yelled back stubbornly.

He groaned. "Would you stop running away from me for a damn second?"

"Just leave me alone, Jackson!" I cried, my voice slightly cracking at the end. I was a mess. I was panting, the stupid heels were already killing me, I was freezing cold and I just wanted to go home to my warm, cozy bed and cry my eyes out. Not for him, or anything. Just for my stupid-ass self that let me freaking _feel_ even though I knew what the consequences would be. I just wanted to hide myself under my fluffy blanket and never come out. I just... I just wanted to go _home_.

"April." His voice came suddenly from right behind me and I felt the familiar warm feeling of his hand on my upper arm, taking hold of it.

I immediately tried to break free, but his grip was just strong enough to hold me in place. I stopped struggling just to turn around and shoot him a glare. "Let. Go. Of me." I all but growled.

He immediately pulled his hand away, but the intensity of his gaze held me in place instead. His eyes, green again now under the yellow lights, suddenly seemed agonizing. Desperate. "Just let me talk to you." he pleaded.

 _Here we go again._

"What is there to talk about? We had dinner, that's it!" I snapped. "Everything is perfectly clear, just like it has been from the beginning. It was fun, you played it great, thanks for being my perfect _gift_ or whatever, now goodbye!"

He groaned. "Stop this, okay? Just stop! I'm not just some random birthday gift they threw your way and you're not just another costumer of mine so stop pretending that's the case!"

"What are you even talking about?" I screeched in disbelief.

"Stop it!" He shouted. "You know it and I know it, so just drop the freaking act and stop running away from me so we can talk about it, damn it!"

"We both know _I_ am not the one acting here!"

"Oh, you're not?" his voice was filled with burning sarcasm. "Fine. Then look at me." He demanded, leaning closer. "Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel it too."

I stared at him in incredulity, my heart beginning to race as his words begun settling in. Feel it… _too?_ Could he possibly be saying what I thought he was saying? My God, this wasn't even supposed to be part of his job, why on earth was he doing this?! Frowning stubbornly, I opened my mouth to tell him I didn't, I didn't feel it. Whatever that _it_ was. But as I did so, nothing came out. Not a single word. My hand rose to touch my throat, trying to force the words out, but in terror I realized that was impossible. I couldn't lie, not to him.

And I had just been exposed.

In the tiniest of moves the corners of his lips twisted upwards so slightly it was barely noticeable, but nobody could possibly miss the sudden brightening of his eyes. He nodded. "Exactly." He murmured. "So just stop acting like this means nothing to you. And stop acting like I don't have any feelings, okay?" He added, his voice rising in frustration. "I have feelings! I have a lot of them."

A sound of odd nature escaped my throat, a strange mixture of a huff and a sob. "About what?!"

"About _you,_ April!" he snapped, taking a step closer and his words hit me like a kick to the stomach. I felt the blood freeze in my veins, my mind suddenly going completely blank. Before I had time to process what was happening he took another step towards me, both his hands raising to cup my cheeks, to hold my face still as his head leaned closer to press his forehead against mine. "Can't you see?" he cried, looking right into my eyes, our lips inches apart. My every move suddenly froze, my heart stopped beating, my breath hitched in my throat as all I could focus on was the green of his eyes. They were like a clear lake in a dark forest, the round shallow crevice filled with completely transparent water which didn't tug or ripple in the closed off space, though there was reason enough to. That already unnaturally beautiful scene came to caress the dim yellow light, a gracious beam to bounce off the surface's scale, making the water turn a paler green. The pond of his eyes was so deep I could swear that for a brief moment I could actually look right into his soul, and the beauty of it knocked the air out of my lungs, captivating me to the point I was unable to even think. "For _you_." He whispered now, his hot breath brushing against my lips.

At his words I felt a warm shiver ran down my spine like a bolt of electricity. My pulse felt like a hummingbird's wings flapping inside my chest, the scent of fresh-scented pine and honey clouding my every sense to the point I was pretty much enchanted as I began leaning towards him to close the small distance between our mouths. Before I managed to do so, though, he took a rushed step backwards, his hands falling from my face. I froze in spot and bit my lips, trying to calm my frantic heartbeat while also hoping he hadn't realized what I had been in the verge of doing.

I watched as his hands rose to his own face as he buried his head in them, pressing them against his now forcibly shut eyes. He let out an unsteady breath and let his arms fall to his sides. "Look, we're not supposed to feel anything, okay? Where I work at… Rule number one is no feelings. You get the job, you play your part, you do anything the customer wants and then you come back fresh the next day. You don't feel." He said, his eyes fixed on the dark concrete, and I was shocked by the actual mention of details about his job. "And I didn't want to feel!" he hollered. "I didn't want to feel anything for you! I knew what was best for me, ignoring _this_ ", he gestured between us, "no matter how hard because I knew it was pointless and wouldn't get us anywhere." He shrugged. "It still won't! It can't, no matter how much I wish things were different… Nothing can happen between us. There is no future for us, there can't be. There is nothing that I want more right now, and I know how crazy that sounds because I've known you for what, a few hours?" He let out a bitter laugh. "And yet here I am, feeling things and falling for you even though I swore to myself I wouldn't, because when I look at you…" he paused, his eyes finally rising to meet my own as he slightly shook his head. "I stop _thinking._ When I let myself just _be_ with you, I am no escort and you are no customer, there is no job preventing me from feeling. There's just your hazel eyes and your bubbly laugh, your voice and your dimples, the way you blush and gesture with your hands and curl your lip when you concentrate, and I just can't… I…" his voice softly faded.

His eyebrows were merged together, his beautiful characteristics looking so troubled, so _racked_ that, shocked, I realized there was no way he was faking that one. There was no way he was lying, not this time. He couldn't possibly be this good of an actor. He seemed so desperate, for what I didn't know, but whatever it was at that point I just wanted to give it to him. I needed to end this, to take the torment out of his eyes for my sake if not his. I couldn't bear watching him like this. It was too much.

And just as I was trying to figure out when exactly he wanted from me, his former words suddenly echoed in my ears, and the memory of his voice was so vivid that it had me letting out a breath I hadn't even known I was holding.

" _You have to actually believe me."_ He had muttered with a sad smile, six words that had seemed so irrational then but somehow seemed to finally make perfect sense. What he wanted from me was to fulfill my part of the deal. To simply believe him. And he had been right. Believing him had been so much harder than I could have ever begun to imagine.

But at that moment, I realized that I actually did.

"Don't leave." He murmured, his pleading eyes bringing me back to the present. "Not yet. Not before I get to…" he struggled with his words. "Look, we don't have to go to the hotel, I mean that's not why I… I don't mean we should… Just let me take you somewhere." He finally asked. "There's this, this beach in a mile or so from here, and it's very quiet, nobody ever goes there. We can get there in twenty minutes."

I licked my lips, my mind finally set. I felt warmth crawling up my chest and I let it, not even bothering to hide the smile that tickled my mouth. "How do you even know that?" I asked with a small grimace.

He blinked, his head shooting back as he looked down at me in wonder. His restrained gaze traveled from my eyes to my lips, and at the sight of my smile I finally noticed every sense of unease disappear from his expression. He didn't smile with his lips, but one look at his eyes and I knew he knew. He knew I believed him. "Do you wanna get into that right now?" he asked, his voice sarcastic.

"Nope." I said, popping the 'p'.

He tilted his head to the side. "No, you don't wanna get into that or no, you don't want to stay with me?"

I broke our gaze to look down in an attempt to gather my thoughts. I could just clarify my intentions with a single sentence, but a sudden curse of adrenaline in my veins had me wanting to show him what I meant instead. With a surprising confidence that I never even knew I had in me until right this second, I raised my hand to touch the outside of his forearm –bare, as the sleeves of his gray shirt were folded to his elbows- and softly traced my hands over his dark skin in a tender caress. I felt his hair rise beneath my touch before my hand traveled higher, tracing patterns on his upper arm, his shoulder and then down his collar bone. I felt him shiver at the contact but he made no farther movements, and so I proceeded to let my hand travel just a bit lower, finally coming to rest on his chest, right over his heart. I took a moment to appreciate the feeling of his strong heartbeat pounding against my palm, his chest raising and falling rhythmically beneath me, before I bit my lips and –holding my breath- took a step towards him, closing the remained distance between us. I noticed his chest stilling at once -him not breathing either- when, heart hammering, I rose on my tiptoes and leaned closer, slightly tilting my head to the side. I felt his small beard tickling my cheek as I brought my mouth to his ear.

"Take me to the beach, Jackson." I whispered, my lips brushing against his ear, and I didn't have to look at his face to know that that cocky smirk of his had finally made its appearance again.

* * *

 _ **[A/N] Long one, I know :P I really hope it wasn't too tiring, though! And stay tuned, exciting stuff coming up ;)**_

 _ **Also, if you could please leave a review I would be forever thankful! Reviews are what get me going, and i always love to hear your thoughts, good and bad.**_

 _ **And if you have any ideas on things you want to see happening, let me know! I can't promise I'll use everything, but I'll do my best to include the things you want!**_


	4. Private Paradise

_**[A/N] No, this is no hallucination, this is an update. And hello to you too.**_

 _ **First of all let me thank you all for your support, this story is already far more successful than I ever thought it would be and you guys made that happen. And all those lovely reviews... wow. I have no words. You're all just incredibly wonderful. Thank you.**_

 _ **IMPORTANT: This chapter of the Gift is a gift to my best friend and extraordinary human being,  Mel Mel (aka MelMel1234 or astoldbyacertifiedunicorn on tumblr, GO FIND HER IF YOU ALREADY HAVEN'T) for her 21st birthday which is, in fact, today. **_

_**Girl, you know how long my chapters are, but this one broke the record reaching 12,359 words, so prepare yourself. I really hope it pays off for the long wait! But like, you know, I am aware that this doesn't nearly seem enough for a birthday present (which is exactly why I'm writing that prompt you requested as well) but know that I was thinking of you with every word I was writing down, wanting to make this chapter exactly as you would like. I really hope it turns out I know you enough to know what you like by now lol! But if you don't like this, freaking tell me ok? I can even try to fix it afterwards if you want!**_

 _ **Soooo, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL MEL! I love you to death and back, and I am gonna go bury myself under the covers right now and disappear cause I don't even know if this is good or shit BYE!**_

* * *

 **Chapter Four - Private Paradise**

Every part of my body felt so _full_.

Not full of food, as one would expect after all that chicken I had devoured. On the contrary, I couldn't even feel that.

Instead, everything was so full of emotion. My chest, my throat, my head, my heart, everything just felt overloaded with warmth, and my poor body could only take so much before it would explode. But if this was the way I was going to die, then I held absolutely no complaints.

And also, conjuring all my five senses was him. My sense of sight, with his face and body being all my eyes cared to explore to the tiniest detail. My sense of smell, with his fresh, delicious scent filling my lungs with each breath I took. My sense of touch, with his warm fingers giving me goosebumps every time they accidentally brushed against my skin. Even my sense of hearing, as he was completely out-of-tune humming along to whichever song was playing on the radio, making me hold back a grin.

Come think of it, there was this one sense that he hadn't quite covered. _Yet._ And just the prospect of tasting his lips had my mouth fill with unnecessary saliva. Some people might call it _drooling_. Those people might be right.

Anyway, with every part of me so freaking full, there was really no room left for anything else. Which meant, there was not a single worry in my head.

A major shock. I know.

And so when he stayed quiet for too long during our drive to the beach, I didn't start obsessing over what I might have done wrong. Instead, I simply asked him what he was thinking.

And when he told me he just had no idea why he –why _we_ \- were doing this, since we were never going to see each other again after tomorrow morning anyway and we were only making this harder on ourselves, I didn't freak out. Instead, I only looked deep into his eyes and mumbled, "How about, for tonight, we stop thinking and just… feel?"

 _I_ said that.

And there are no words to describe the way he looked at me afterwards.

I had no idea what was happening to me, but whatever it was I was embracing it with open arms. It was easy for me to say that something like listening to music or reading a book relaxed me, but it wasn't until that very point that I realized this was, in fact, the first time in my entire life that I was feeling completely and utterly relaxed. Here, in his black SUV, with my eyes fixed on his smile and my heartbeat dancing along to the rhythm of the song.

Free of every worry, I didn't even think of it twice when the car finally stopped and instead of the promised beach I was met with the view of the night woods. See, after all those horror films Lexie and Reed had made me watch there was one thing I had been sure of. The woods plus nighttime plus a girl in a car plus a stranger minus the sense of self-preservation that I currently was lacking equals a deadly combination that should be avoided at any cost. I was pretty sure he didn't count as a stranger any longer, though. Anyhow, instead of accusing him of potentially aiming to rape me or murder me –even though I knew he would never. Don't ask me how, I just… knew it – I only raised my eyebrows and jokingly remarked, "I am either blind or this is not a beach."

With a chuckle, his hand moved to the window switch and both of our car windows gradually opened in response. "Close your eyes." He said, his voice dropping to a whisper.

I blinked at him. "What? Why?"

"Just close them."

A brief thought of a kiss had my breath hitching to my throat, but I still crossed my arms against my chest to keep my heart from breaking its way out -frantically as it was beating- and shut my eyes closed.

I didn't hear any movement from his part. No rustling of his clothes, no creaking of the leather seat. After about ten seconds of staying like this, I peeked through one eye. "What am I supposed to be doing?"

He was just standing there, an amused grin fully evident on his face. "Listening. And you are completely failing."

I huffed. "What on earth for?"

He shook his head. "Just close your eyes and listen."

I let out a fake-frustrated sigh, shut my eyes tightly, and with my lips pursed and nose wrinkled I did just that. There were no sounds coming from inside the car, of course, apart from our breathing, so I assumed he meant those on the outside. The sounds of the forest.

And so I listened. I listened to the humming of insects, the crickets chirping in the bushes. I listened to the owls hooting from afar. I listened to the soft bristling of night creatures as they scattered off through grass, leaves, and weeds. And I listened to the breeze, whispering through pine needles. The night forest came alive before me, and although I had no idea what I was searching for, its music soothed me and relaxed me impossibly more. I let out a happy sigh.

And that was when I heard it.

It was faint and distant, barely audible, but it was there. A low pitched irregular noise, a rustling sound so different from those of the forest that it seemed unfitting. Yet there it was. The smoothing rumble of the surf, as the waves softly broke on a seashore nearby.

My eyes instantly snapped open, meeting his own. "Oh." I muttered, and I could tell that from just that he knew I had heard it. I looked out my open window again, my eyes scanning for any visible opening between the trees, but still found none.

"When I said that nobody ever goes there", he said and I turned to look back at him, "I meant it. It's… kinda hidden."

"Hidden?" I repeated, willing the words to settle. "A hidden beach? How did you even find it?"

He shrugged. "Long story."

"We have time." I replied, and the second the worlds left my mouth we both realized how wrong they were. A heavy silence covered us like a blanket, and this unreasonable, hopeful excitement in the air of something starting, something new, wore off a little.

"Come on." He said then with a clearing of his throat and got out of the car, closing the door behind him. I quickly mimicked his movements, but as soon as I shut the door behind me I noticed he had been heading my way and stopped walking with a look of surprise just when he saw I had already gotten out, as if he had been expecting me to stay inside and wait for him to open my door like some sort of servant. I rolled my eyes at him and started walking his way.

Turns out the real deadly combination was the forest's ground and heels.

I had barely managed to take a couple of steps when my one heel stuck somewhere between the mud and the semi-decomposed leaves and with a shriek I began falling forward, face first into the mud. But, thank goodness, at the last moment I felt two steady hands grabbing my arms and pulling me back up, and soon I found myself holding onto his chest for support as my feet found the ground again.

"You okay?" he asked, his hands still on my arms, and I quickly nodded, the adrenaline rushing through my veins from my almost fall.

The realization of our sudden closeness did nothing to help my frantic heartbeat, though. My hands were both against his chest, and I couldn't pull them away. All I could do was stare at them.

And then two larger, warmer hands came to embrace mine. I could feel his strong heartbeat pulsing against my palms and fingers, and for a moment it felt as if it was synchronized with my own. Two hearts beating together at the rhythm of the forest's enchanting melody.

With my eyes on our hands I couldn't help but notice how lovely I found our color difference. Nostalgia hit me at the childhood memory that popped up, those Sunday afternoons I used to sit for hours at the swing out the yard in Moline, watching the sunset with a cup of caramel and vanilla ice cream on my lap. I used to always eat the vanilla first, so that the caramel was left for the end, since it was my favorite. I briefly wondered what _this_ caramel would taste like.

I blushed.

He noticed.

Only a second had passed though, and it turned out the only reason he had taken hold of my hands in the first place was to remove them from his chest. He then instantly let go of them. I gave him a confused look but he was now looking away, somewhere on our right. "See those bushes over there?" he asked, pointing to where he was looking.

I narrowed my eyes at the spot. Despite the darkness, there sure seemed to be some bushes larger than the others in the distance. I nodded.

"The beach is right behind them." He informed me.

Oh, great. So I just had to walk all the way there. On the mud and leaves. In these deathtraps. I winced, glancing down at my feet with dread.

He noticed that too. "I can carry you." he offered.

I huffed. "Yeah right."

He raised one dark eyebrow. "Are you doubting me?"

I had to hold myself from rolling my eyes. "Trust me, you don't want to-" I began saying but he was suddenly bending down, wrapping his one arm under my knees and his other one around my shoulders.

I let out a little shriek and took a quick step away from him, and as a result I lost my balance once more. He grabbed me before I reached the ground again, strong arms studying me to my feet. "I want my sneakers." I grumbled at the same time as he murmured "Yep, definitely carrying you."

My eyes widened and I held up a finger. "You will do no such thing."

"Watch me." He said with a mischievous smirk and reached for me again.

I flinched myself away with another shriek. "Jackson, stop! No!"

"Come here!"

"No!" I screamed with a giggle, turning to run away but he was faster. He bended down, grabbing my legs and throwing me on his shoulder like a sack of freaking potatoes.

"Are you insane?! Put me down!" I cried, my face now facing his back upside down.

"No way. We have to get there at some point, you know. _Today_ , preferably."

I snickered. "I can walk, you know!"

"I noticed."

"Har, har yeah, be funny now. We'll see who'll be laughing when your back kills you tomorrow."

"You weight as much as a feather."

"I so don't!" I argued, although he really didn't seem to be struggling at all.

"Sweetheart", he chuckled, "I'm getting the girl here, don't ruin the moment for me."

 _Sweetheart._ There came that word again, making my heart fly with its sweet nature. "If it's not embarrassingly obvious already, girl's already 'gotten'. No extreme measures needed." I mumbled.

His walking slowed down for a brief second before picking up its quick pace again. "Is she?" he asked, his tone coming our rather indifferent but I could tell there was something in there… something hidden. Something not indifferent at all. I suddenly wished I could see his face.

Gotten though? I wasn't just… gotten. Whatever that meant. This was so much more than that.

But… was it though? How did I know that? What did I know about _any_ of this?

I was never one to talk about feelings, and that was partly because I didn't know _how_ to talk about feelings. How on earth could I ever say anything that would even begin to resemble what he had told me outside that restaurant? And how could I possibly say what I wanted to say without sounding hopeless romantic or just plain stupid?

I couldn't.

So instead -as my eyes were already set on the edge of his shirt right above the waistband of his pants, where a small amount of skin was left exposed as he moved- I reluctantly leaned closer and placed a tiny kiss on his back.

And in the blink of an eye his back disappeared from my view, as I was pulled forward to be set on the ground in front of him. The movement had the side of my face literally brushing against his own, and once I was on my feet again our faces were only a couple of inches apart. My breath instantly hitched in my throat at the sight of his eyes boring into mine, suddenly dark. Hungry.

"We're here." He announced, his voice a mere whisper. He took a step back, putting some space between us.

I frowned at the action. I liked the closeness, the sparks that seemed to fly between us as our bodies neared. Correction, I _loved_ it. I craved it. However I was relieved I could breathe again. I took my eyes away from him to look around. We were now standing right in front of the tall bushes, the sound of the waves clearly evident now, as if the shore was right next to us. He moved towards the large pieces of vegetation, reaching with his hand to shove a branch out of the way, creating a small opening. The bush was much thinner than it looked.

"I have to warn you, it's… it's pretty tiny." He mumbled as I walked through the opening, quickly getting my heels off and setting them aside before stepping right on thin sand.

And it was. It was pretty tiny. And also absolutely beautiful.

The dark waves rolled in white tipped, spreading themselves like fine lace over the beach after they crashed in their soft way. There was nothing noisy about them, yet they had sound. Perhaps to me it was more like the music of my childhood summers so long ago, with a red bucket and spade in my arms and no worries in the world. Involuntarily I neared the dark sea and with every step I took the sand shifted. With every motion forward there was some backward and down, just like walking in fresh fallen snow. Yet unlike the crystalline blanket of white bequeathed by the winter time, the fine grains under my feet give me warmth from the sun's rays regardless of the chilling air, still holding their temperature despite the sun having set several hours ago. Breathing in the briny aroma, I scrunched my toes, enjoying the softness of the sand, thin like powder. I watched mesmerized as each wave overlapped one another in an infinite battle, extending for as far as the eyes could reach, until they faded away into the millions of tiny shimmering lights of the shore ahead that were reflecting in the water. Yet, the magnificent view of the living city was so far away that the tiny beach was almost completely covered in darkness.

The beach was in the middle of nowhere, entirely surrounded by vegetation, thick enough to make it practically invisible. A private paradise, in a tiny form.

"Do you like it?" he asked, and speechless as I was from the breathtaking beauty I could only nod. I heard him walk up to me, stopping right beside me. He put just enough distance between us so that our bodies wouldn't touch and I was stunned by the unexpected electricity that flowed through me, amazed that it was possible to be more aware of him than I already was. A crazy impulse to reach over and touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands balling into fists, as a delicious shiver raced down my spine.

 _I am losing my mind._

He misread my reaction to him. "Shoot, you don't have a jacket?"

I wrinkled my nose. I sure did not appreciate the chilling breeze, but I was not going to tell him that. The last thing I wanted was to give him a reason to return me home an hour earlier. "Yeah, I forgot it in Lexie's car. But it's okay, I'm not cold." I lied fluently.

He shrugged his jacket off his shoulders anyways.

"No, no, no, Jackson it's fine, I'm okay." I raised my hands to stop him. "You don't have too, really."

"I don't need it." He replied nonchalantly, taking it completely off.

"No, don't, I'm really not cold." I insisted.

His eyes narrowed, a grin forming on his full, sultry lips. "Why do you refuse to let me be a gentleman and treat you right?"

"Because you're-"I began but I shut my mouth before finishing the phrase. I was not going to bring up the _pretending_ conversation again. When I decided I believed him, I meant it. Although it wasn't as much of a decision as of a realization.

He held the jacket up for me, eyebrows raised, and I just gave up with a sigh. I turned around and slid my hands in the long sleeves as he has holding it, his hands necessarily wrapping around me for a moment, after which he quickly pulled them away.

I felt a stink of hurt hit me. He had been the one to crave contact all night, why was he now avoiding it? But I didn't think much of it for his scent emerging from the jacket hit me then. It smelled amazing. I inhaled, trying to identify the delicious scent. It didn't smell like cologne. The sleeves were much too long; I shoved them back so I could free my hands. "Thank you." I mattered.

He grinned. "You're welcome. Now, come here."

I cocked my head to the side curious but still followed him as he walked towards the opposite edge of the beach, leading the way to a ring of driftwood logs. There was a fire circle already in place, filled with black ashes, behind of which, facing the sea, was a large fallen tree tank. I walked up to where it laid and sat on it with a smile on my face, satisfied that he has obviously going to start a fire. I could certainly use its warmth.

I noticed he was looking at me sitting there rather intensely. He seemed to enjoy the view. "Stay right there." He told me after a moment, and moved on to gathering broken branches of driftwood from the drier piles against the forest edge. Soon a teepee-shaped construction was built atop the old cinders.

"Have you ever seen a driftwood fire?" he asked me eventually, kneeling by the fire and lighting one of the smaller sticks with a cigarette lighter.

"No," I said as he placed the blazing twig carefully against the teepee.

"You'll like this then - watch the colors." He lit another small branch and laid it alongside the first. The flames started to lick quickly up the dry wood.

My mouth fell at the sight, and I had to blink a few times to make sure I was seeing straight. "It's blue," I exclaimed in surprise.

He grinned, satisfied by my reaction. "The salt does it. Odd, isn't it?" he asked as he lit one more piece and placed it where the fire hadn't yet caught. Then he came to sit by me.

I took my eyes off the strange blue and green flames crackling toward the sky to stare at him in awe. "It's… it's so _beautiful_." I whispered, but as soon as the words were out I wanted to take them back. The glorious sight in front of me was nothing with him standing next to me in comparison. The fire played with the shadows on his face, the blue reflecting in his eyes, making them impossibly even more stunning. My gaze fell to my hands on my lap, afraid of becoming dazzled if it locked with his for too long.

"It's fine." He agreed half-heartedly, seeming to not fully agree either.

I changed the subject. "Do you come here often?"

He shrugged. "Whenever I have time. I grew up in the city so I was never much of a nature enthusiast. Yet this place, I have just always found mesmerizing for some reason. My very favorite thing used to be skipping stones." He admitted, shaking his head.

I picked up on the past tense. "Used to?"

He winced. "Yeah, I had a somewhat traumatic experience so no more rocks for me."

His expression made me laugh. "What?"

"Ha, no way I'm telling you that one."

I frowned. "Why not?"

"You'll laugh."

I rolled my eyes. "I will not."

"You so will." He insisted, he himself unable to contain a small chuckle.

I fought back a grin. "What did you do?"

He sighed, giving up. "I was skipping rocks while eating a sandwich, watching the sunset and thinking about life and crap, and I was so caught up in my thoughts. So I threw the sandwich in the sea. And then I bit the freaking rock."

I blinked at him once.

Twice.

And then I burst out laughing.

"Told you so." He mumbled, him chuckling himself.

I was doubled over with laughter, my breath coming in quick gasps between my unstoppable giggles. "You… bit… the rock…" I managed to spit out.

He was wincing again, an enormous grin still on his face. "Wasn't one of my finest moments."

I was shamelessly guffawing louder than I had in years. "Did you… die on the inside…when you realized it?" I asked. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Okay, okay, that's enough." He said, and he looked like he was considering shoving me away. He didn't.

My ribs were beginning to hurt but I kept giggling uncontrollably.

"Hey, cut it off!" he yelled, fake – offense in his tone.

But I couldn't stop. The image of him throwing the sandwich and putting the rock in his mouth was too much. I was in hysterics.

"You little…" He all but growled, and his hands were suddenly all over me, mercilessly tickling every part of my body he could reach.

Fun fact about me. When I'm being tickled, I lose it.

I shrieked and instantly flinched backwards and fell off the log, landing on the sand with my back. To my dismay, he didn't stay on his seat. Instead, his body moved along with mine like magnets, and he soon joined me on the ground.

Every fit of laughter was suddenly ripped from my throat. He was laying on top of me, his elbows on my sides to support his weight as his entire lower half was brushing against mine, the electricity impossibly stronger than it had ever been before. I stared at his face -hovering just over my own- speechless by the sudden proximity. And he seemed pretty shocked by his own action as well.

And then, before I even managed to realize what was happening, he suddenly disappeared, leaving me to lie alone on the sand. Way too cold. Way too soon.

I wasn't as hurt by him avoiding our contact as I was confused. It wasn't like we hadn't touched before with both of us clearly enjoying every second of it. And frankly the electricity was driving me insane. I sat up and wiped the sand from my hair. "Alright, what is it?" I asked, my voice not angry but demanding.

He had leant his back against the log, his gaze fixed at the fire. "What is what?"

I shook my head. "No, don't do that. Don't act like you don't know what you're doing."

He looked away from the flames to narrow his eyes at me. " _What_ exactly am I doing, April?"

My hands clenched into fists, but other than that I didn't let the anger take over. "You avoid me. You avoid being close to me. You avoid touching me. Every time we come anywhere near being close you pull away."

He smiled at me bitterly. "And what else am I supposed to do?"

I let out a surprised huff. I sure did not expect that answer, and truth was it hit me like a slap to the face. As I tried to come up with a response, he stood up and began walking towards the ocean.

Why was he behaving like that? What was this supposed to even mean? That he didn't want to touch me, thus the avoiding? If he found me that repulsive then why did he even…

No. He didn't. Something else was going on, and I just had to make him tell me and deal with whatever that was because I knew for a fact that the last thing I was to him was repulsive. And I knew this because he had told me himself.

Told me… and shown me.

With newfound determination I rose to my own feet and walked after him.

"You almost kissed me at that restaurant remember?" I yelled behind him.

He froze.

"And then again outside." I continued. "What happened to that? What happened to 'we stop thinking and just feel'?"

I could tell his jaw clenched. His hands were curled into fists. "I _am_ feeling, April." He protested. "All I do is feel tonight."

And there was something about the way he said it that had warmth crawl up my chest. "So feeling is okay but touching is not?" I asked nonetheless.

"Do you know what I see when I look at the ocean?" he shot back instead, finally turning to look at me. His eyes were agonizing, consuming, and I couldn't help but gasp a little in shock. "Or the fire, or the moon, or the stars. I see _you._ Everywhere. I close my eyes and I see your face, I hear your laughter. You're here, right next to me and I already miss you. Just the thought of never seeing you again is tormenting. It's irrational and pathetic, but letting you go will be one of the harder things I will ever have to do. I can feel it, because it hurts already. And if I…" he gulped. "If I touch you and kiss you and feel you like I want to… Then it will be a thousand times harder than it already is."

I was stunned. The intensity of his emotions as he spoke simply stunned me. And for the first time tonight, I was truly angry.

He was feeling the exact same things I was. The _exact same things_. I had never felt so emotionally connected with another person as with him at this exact moment. We both wanted the exact same things. And instead of acting like the experienced one and guiding me through this entirely foreign and extraordinary and _terrifying_ experience he was backing out and ripping it away from both of us because he was scared of being all nostalgic about it afterwards? That was just… that was just cowardice!

"So you choose to protect yourself then." I concluded, my voice bitter.

"I'm protecting both of us." He argued.

"I don't need your protection!" I hissed. "I never asked for it, and I don't want it. My whole life since I was a kid, I had this idea of how my life was supposed to be, these rules that I was supposed to follow. And all I've been doing since, all I always do is follow them. But then tonight," I shook my head and huffed, "With _you_ … I'm feeling things I never have before, and just when I think that maybe, for once, I could just stop following those damn rules and freaking feel for a change-"

"I'm not the right guy for you, April!" He cut me off. But his eyes weren't hard. They were _pleading_.

I couldn't believe my ears. "What on earth makes you say that?" I asked incredulously.

"You deserve someone who will be able to give you everything. And I can't give you that." I opened my mouth to protest but a slender finger stopped me. "If I lose myself with you I'm not just going to touch you and kiss you. And anything beyond those that we do, you will regret it all by the time dawn comes. But you shouldn't have to. Your first time should be with the man you will spend your entire life with, like you have always dreamed of. And the only thing you should feel afterwards is joy and happiness. And I have no idea why your friends ever thought otherwise." He paused, and looked right into my eyes. "You deserve that and so much more. I don't want to take it away from you. I won't."

I chose to ignore the way my body responded to him mentioning of a 'first time'. Instead, I found myself speaking before quite knowing what I was about to say. "What if I want you to?" I heard my voice object, loud and clear. Certain. The boldness that this sudden confidence of mine brought was a completely new experience for me, but I was welcoming it with open arms. Because no matter how many times I had dreamed of my Prince Charming, nothing could ever compare to the feeling that the images suddenly flooding my mind gave me.

Cold sheets. Warm breaths. Limbs tangled together, lips fitting perfectly. Souls mingling in the quiet moments between action and stillness. Two bodies made into one. Caramel and vanilla. Fire and powder.

 _'These violent delights have violent ends. And in their triumph die, like fire and powder. Which, as they kiss, consume.'_

Consumed? Was this what was going to become of us?

Was I up for that?

Could I handle it?

"You don't want that." He argued, his voice a broken whisper.

"What I don't want is to wait for a future that might never even come to be."

He gave me a sad smile. "Oh, but it will. Trust me."

I groaned, frustrated, and grabbed his hand. "Even if that's the case, I don't want it! I don't want a husband, I don't want perfection. I wanted that in the past but I hadn't met the _now_ , hadn't met-"

He shook his head, slowly retrieving his hand from my grip. "April…"

My fingers clenched, holding on to him with all of my strength. My joints protested, knuckles turning white but I wasn't going to let go. "I want _you_." I stated firmly, staring directly into his eyes.

And I meant it. God knows I meant it.

He didn't speak. He didn't have to. His eyes spoke volumes for themselves. I could see the struggle in them, that battle omening a decision that would affect us both, yet all I could do was stand still and let him make it.

And a century later, his eyes changed. The war inside him had ended, the decision had been made. There was sadness in his tone when he spoke, but there was also another emotion that I couldn't quite recognize which overshadowed it. "We only have till morning." He murmured, his voice weak.

I nodded. "I know."

His shoulders rose and fell rhythmically, every breath a pained whisper. "This will break us."

I swallowed, my mouth dry. "I know", came the acknowledgement again. But for some reason that didn't seem to matter anymore. My hand rose for my palm to cup his cheek.

"But I also know that the only thing I will regret by the time dawn comes is backing up now."

His breathing suddenly stopped, his eyes fixed to mine. I could only feel my pulse pounding against my ears.

 _Thud, thud. Thud, thud. Thud, thud._

And then he wasn't still anymore.

His eyes were glistening in the darkness as his hand reached under my hair below my ear, his thumb caressing my cheek. He leaned into me then, his lips drawing near, my lips parting to receive them as our breaths mingled. He stopped inches away, his eyes drifting down to my lips as though he was savoring the moment.

And then his lips crushed into mine. And for that single moment, time stopped.

You would think that after all the hours I'd spent with him - watching him talk, laugh and frown - that I would know all there was to know about his lips. But I hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against my own. How soft their caress would feel. How they would make my brain light on fire and the warmth spread throughout my entire body.

We held it for a few seconds, before our lips began to move in perfect sync, slowly, cautiously. I exhaled through my nose, not wanting to let go. My entire body had been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with eccentric panic, and lust. I honestly never knew a kiss so innocent could be so intimate and electrifying.

He moved his hand from my cheek to the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair, lightly pulling me into him, adding more pressure to our lips, deepening the kiss. His free arm wrapped around my waist, just as my hand rose from my side for me to run my fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.

He kissed me and the world fell away. It disappeared around us, along with all of our worries, our troubles and our problems. He made me feel like none of that mattered.

It was just me and him, closed in our little bubble.

When we broke apart for air, I rested my forehead against his and gathered some much needed oxygen. I dared a glance up his eyes, only to see them sparkle, his lips curving up into a smile. Relief washed over me at the sight, all the tension of our conversation seeming to have suddenly vanished to thin air.

I giggled.

"What?" he murmured, his lips so close that they were brushing against mine as he spoke, sending delicious shivers down my spine.

I let out another giggle. "You taste like coke." I informed him, happy that that mystery was finally solved. He was obviously going to taste very differently under normal circumstances, but nothing about tonight was normal, and tonight was all I cared for.

So tonight, my caramel tasted like coke. I held no complaints.

And neither did he, apparently. "Well, whose fault is that?" he teased with a chuckle.

I wrinkled my nose guiltily when he leaned closer to caress my lips with his own again for the briefest of moments, in a kiss impossibly even softer than the previous one.

The feeling of his lips moving against mine was indescribable. I had never felt something this intimate in my life. However, not once did I feel exposed or self-conscious, or unsure of what to do. Everything came naturally and yet every move was a surprise.

When my eyes opened, they met his intense gaze. "You okay?"

I smiled. Was I okay? I was freaking flying! "My heart is going to burst." I whispered truthfully with a chuckle. I grabbed his hand and brought it to my chest, his palm lying right on top of my heart. "Can you feel that?"

It took him a moment before he flashed me a crooked smile and mumbled, "Yeah." He was glowing, I realized. That little fact seemed to make him so happy for some reason.

He truly just seemed happy.

And that made me even more over the moon, if you can believe it.

For the next hour -Or was it days? It seemed like it had been forever since we had first arrived at the beach, and yet only minutes at the same time- we sat down on the sand together by the fire, simply being. His fingers kept tracing invisible trails on my arms, my back, my legs, and especially my face. They slid along every curve and every hill, often times briefly accompanied by his lips, which seemed to be quite fond of my cheeks and jaw, as well as my fingers and knuckles.

As for me, I found myself unable to keep my hands off him as well. Staying in totally PG areas too, of course. Yes, confidence and transformation and all, but like... I was still _me_. My lips were completely shy around him though, but I figured they'd come around as time passed.

And it was just _so easy_. So easy to reciprocate his touch. So easy to lose myself in him. It felt effortless. Natural. _Right._

Soon, the fire was slowly burning out, but the warmth of his embrace was enough for me to take his oversized jacket off me and place it on the tree tank behind us. And we had been silent for so long that when he spoke I got startled.

"I think I've heard that song before." He noted, and then let out a chuckle when I jumped in his arms.

"Hm? What song?"

"The one you're humming."

I blinked. "I'm not humming."

He drew back to look at me. "Did you not realize it? You've been humming for a while now."

I felt the blood rising up my face. _Crap._ Of course I knew I involuntarily hummed a lot, especially when I was in a good mood, but I had really hoped it wouldn't happen in front of him. "I have?"

"Yes. And now I'm sorry to have pointed it out. Why are you embarrassed?" he asked, searching me face.

I bit my lip. "Cause it's annoying."

He looked at me incredulously. "Who on earth said that?"

I shrugged. "Everyone has been saying it. And, I mean, it is annoying. Especially when you're trying to focus on a task or something and there's stupid me humming next to your ear like a bee." I chuckled.

He didn't. Suddenly serious, he took my head in his hands. "Don't ever speak for yourself that way." He told me. "Ever. You hear me?" Taken aback, I nodded and he seemed to relax a bit. He gave my nose a quick kiss and released me. "Plus, I love your humming. I was just gonna ask you to sing out loud, actually."

Occupied by the word of his choice it took me a second to realize that he was waiting for a reply. "Wait, I… Sing?" My eyes widened when he nodded. "Sorry but… I really don't sing. I'm not good at all."

"Please?" he asked, leaning in closer, his eyes making me their captive. "Please? Just a little song, for me?"

I sucked in a breath, and before I knew it I found myself asking, "Which song?"

I mentally slapped myself. _Oh, great._

His grin was radiant. "Just the one you had been humming. I liked that one."

How was I supposed to know which one I had been… Be Still, by The Fray. I almost rolled my eyes. It had been stuck in my head since the moment I had woken up this morning.

My breathing increased and I winced. Before he could react, I buried my head in the crook of his neck so that he couldn't see my face. And I couldn't see his own when he would cringe and fight to keep himself from bursting out laughing.

I took a deep breath, and sang.

" _Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know that I am here  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still, be still, and know_

 _When darkness comes upon you  
And colors you with fear and shame  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
And I will say your name_"

I realized in relief that, in fact, my voice was coming out prettier than it sounded in my mind. Satisfied by that fact, I gained a bit of confidence and kept going. It was a while before the song came to its end. The last words came out as a whisper, and I let out a sigh against his neck.

He didn't say anything for a while, but when he eventually spoke his tone surprised me. "That was so beautiful." He said, and his voice was so heavy I thought it would break.

I just had to pull back and look at his face. His eyes were almost liquid, their deep ocean unraveling before me with an endless horizon. Instantly, embarrassment was the very last thing on my mind.

Next thing you know, we're both completely lying on the sand, my head on his shoulder and his left arm wrapped around me. The night sky was a canvas of darkened colors that stretched over our heads, gloriously brilliant in the blurring moonlight, and even though you couldn't see a whole lot of stars, a few constellations would sure be visible. That was, if any of us actually knew how to recognize them.

He chuckled. "If this is that cliché moment in romantic movies when the couple just gazes at the sky and the one teaches the other the constellations, we completely fucked it up."

The sentence caught me by surprise, and of course I blushed. "I never had you as a romantic movie guy."

"Oh, so we're back to the assumptions again?" there was certainly a smile in his voice.

I giggled. "You didn't answer my question."

"You never asked a question. You just assumed that-"

I rolled my eyes. " _Are_ you a romantic movie guy, Jackson?" I spoke slowly, as if talking to a child.

He cleared his throat. "Why, April, it's funny you ask. You see it depends on your own definition of a romantic movie guy. Do you define one as a male who enjoys watching movies with a rather romantic concept or-"

I silenced him by putting my hand over his mouth, and at once he tried to bite it. I pulled it away with a little shriek and rolled over to lie on my stomach, folding my arms on his chest and resting my jaw on them so that I could see his face. "Answer me!" I demanded with a wide grin.

He glanced down at me and chuckled. "Well, not really. I did enjoy the classics, though. _Romeo and Juliet_ , _Titanic_ , _The Notebook_ , _You've Got Mail_ , to name a few."

I let out a dramatic sigh. "God, I love that movie."

He snorted. "I just named four of them, sweetheart."

I tried to hide my inevitable blush. "The Notebook."

He gave me a knowing look. "Let me guess, because of Ryan Gosling?"

I gaped at him. "The world doesn't evolve around hot celebrities, you know."

 _Liar._

"Oh, so you admit he's hot." He challenged me, raising one eyebrow and I playfully hit his arm in response.

"No," I continued after a round of mutual chuckles. "what I love so much about it is actually the way young love is portrayed."

That intrigued him. "Care to explain that?" he asked, while taking a lock of hair in his fingers and placing it behind my ear.

"Well," I said, struggling to concentrate. "You know that… craziness, that carefreeness in their hearts. How he just hanged himself from that Ferris wheel to ask her out, or how they smeared each other's faces with ice cream or laid down in the middle of the road or", I chuckled, "run around that beach moving their hands up and down like they were birds, I mean… It was like they were so crazy about each other that they just shut themselves in their little bubble and stopped caring that they were acting insane or people were watching. They just did whatever they felt like doing. Like they were beyond approach, like there were no rules and no danger."

"Isn't that what love is though?" He cut in. "Freedom. Feeling like you can do anything. Like you're flying." He half-smiled. "I certainly get the bird thing."

My heart flattered. "Yeah… And that's my point though. Usually new lovers are pictured acting all sexy and flirty around each other, but those two are just… so silly." I shook my head, a large grin appearing on my face. I had always loved how Noah and Allie acted like mature adults when around other people, but like two goofy kids when around each other. As my fangirling heart sighed, I barely realized that he had asked me something. "Sorry, what?"

I was surprised to see that mischief was written all over his characteristics when I turned to face him. "Do you know how to swim?"

I frowned. "…Yes?"

He smirked. "Good."

And then suddenly he was on his feet, quickly taking me into his arms and running off towards the waves. My heart skipped a beat when I realized what he was doing. "Wait, wait, wait! Jackson, hey! Hold on! No, don't- Oh my God!" My pleads were to no avail. His feet reached the water, but he didn't nearly slow down. " _Jackson!_ "

"Hold your breath!" he shouted when the water reached his waste, utter excitement in his tone. Letting out a loud squeal, I did as he said.

And then with a quick move he threw me into the dark sea.

At first, all I could comprehend was the icy water that instantly stole the heat from every part of my skin. I froze in place, sinking a little as, in surprise, I let out the breath I had taken, which took the form of bubbles that brushed my cheek. When the shock wore off I was in control of my body again and lost no time to push myself upwards, following the bubbles to the water's surface. I realized how deep the water suddenly was, as it took me a few seconds for my head to find the air. Only a few steps in and my feet couldn't touch the bottom, and I doubted his could either.

As dramatically as I could, I took a deep breath and wiped my face with my hands to be able to open my eyes and search for him. He was easy to find. He had dipped right after me, and was now completely disappearing under the sea's surface up until right above his nose, with only half of his head popping out. I didn't need to see his mouth to know he was grinning, though, as his mischievous eyes, shimmering under the moonlight, were glowing with amusement.

"Are you _insane?!_ " I hissed through trembling lips. "The water is _freezing!_ "

Instead of replying he swam towards me, and before I knew it his entire head appeared, his grinning eyes never leaving mine as he spit a mouthful of water right into my face. He then considered it wise to throw his head back and burst out laughing.

Let me tell you, it wasn't.

In the blink of an eye I jumped right on him, putting my hands on each one of his shoulders and then pushing him down with force. His every laughter was cut when his head disappeared down the water's surface, and I allowed myself a satisfied smile. I felt him struggle for release at once, but I was determined to not let that happen for a while. So instead, as I was hovering above him, I reached for his head and locked my legs around it, my thighs sealing tight around his cheeks as I was basically sitting on his shoulders. Thankfully his face was facing the water and not me, as then he would have been flashed with the view of my underwear, my dress having been folded up from all the struggling to reveal the entire piece of clothing. However at that point I was having too much fun to even feel the slightest bit embarrassed.

I felt his fingers wrapping around my calves and trying to pull them apart, but I put all of my strength to keep my hold unbreakable. All kinds of shrieks, giggles and squeals were coming out of my mouth as we fought for dominance, when suddenly I felt his hand cupping my one butt cheek, giving it a little squeeze.

Shock run through me at the unfamiliar, intense sensation, and he took advantage of the moment it took me to recover to break out of my legs' hold and swim his way to the surface. I watched him speechless as he took a deep breath himself, and once he noticed me staring at him wide-eyed like a moron he gave me a cocky smirk.

And that pulled the trigger.

I pulled my hands back and with all of my strength launched them back forward in a quick move, splashing a satisfying amount of water right on his stupid, arrogant face. He lost no time to reciprocate, though, and soon the once calm and quiet beach was seriously disturbed like it never had before. I bet, splashing and laughing loudly as we were, we made every single animal living in the waters swim away in search of a new home. I, for one, couldn't blame them. Or care any less.

At some point though I lost him. I quit throwing water around like a toddler and scanned the water's surface in search for him but he was nowhere to be found. "Jackson?" I called out with a little voice, but I received no answer. And then, I felt a hand wrap around my ankle from below, pulling me down. I screamed and kicked but he was too strong, and I had no choice but to take a breath and let him drag me down to him. And so he did.

Once the movement stopped and he released me, I cautiously opened my eyes. It wasn't such a smart move. The salt burned and I couldn't really see much with the waters being so dark. Still, I could tell his blurry figure was right in front of me, looking right back at me. Both his hands reached for my face, cupping my cheeks, and I wrapped my hands around his wrist to keep myself in place as he leaned into me.

However he didn't kiss me again, as I expected. And part of my mind was shook at the amount of disappointment that gave me. I soon forgot all about that, though, as he rested his forehead against mine. His thumb came to trace along my lower lip, and I was surprised by how warm it still felt despite the freezing waters. His nose came to rub against my own, his eyes never leaving mine.

And then, he tilted his head to the side and begun placing little kisses from my cheek to my ear. He paused for a brief moment there before I felt him take my earlobe between his lips. And then he sucked on it. The sensation was overloading and I let out a wisp of air in surprise –the only air I had left- and my hands flew to the back of his skull, keeping him in place. He sucked again and my entire body trembled. I thanked God we were in the water, for I was sure my knees wouldn't have held me otherwise. I was nothing but a puppet in his arms.

Thanks to dear buoyant force, we soon found ourselves back on the surface without intending to, but just in the perfect timing for me to take a breath. Or many, many breaths, as I found I needed. Turns out I had lost myself in the moment in such a degree I hadn't even noticed I had run out of air. Panting as I was, I held onto his shoulders for support, and sensing my tiredness he dragged us both to more shallow waters. But as he moved us and my breathing slowed, I could no longer keep my lips to myself. Hesitating a bit, I sought the closeness this time, planting a soft kiss on his chin before moving further up along his jawline. I couldn't help but smile at the sensation of his little beard tickling my lips. It felt so _nice_.

Still, he could tell I was still struggling to keep my balance in the sloshing water since I had to stretch up on the very tips of my toes because of his height, so he moved his hands down from my hips to my thighs as he bent down a little and hoisted me up into his arms. As if of instinct, I wrapped my legs around his waist at once. My own action shocked me, but since our bodies weren't exactly touching I didn't think much of it. Instead, I admired how effortlessly he handled me, and I absolutely adored how weightless I felt in his arms.

When our eyes locked though, his looking up at me instead of down now, I suddenly couldn't bring myself to break our gaze. His eyes were so intense, so full of everything that had been growing between us that we hadn't expressed yet. And then I felt it bubbling inside of me; in my stomach and up into my chest. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment we'd gotten to this place, but it was then that I knew there was no going back. It was terrifying and wonderful at the same time. My fingers and toes tingled and I felt like my heart was going to explode inside my chest.

"What are we doing?" I asked him quietly, my voice shaking a little.

He looked at me hesitantly for just a split second before taking a deep breath.

"We're falling in love."

I had nothing even close to significant enough to say at that moment. There was nothing adequate to express what I felt. So instead, I kissed him. I put a hand on the back of his head and pulled him to me as my lips descended upon his passionately.

It started off slow and sweet, but as a perfect parallel to this extraordinary night, things heated up quickly. His hands were occupied holding me, but mine grabbed and pulled at him in a frantic attempt to pull him closer. I couldn't even recognize myself when I took his lower lip between my own and sucked on it, and in response a brand new sound came out from deep within his throat.

He moaned.

And just like that, I was wet. And I'm not talking about the entire sea I was dipped in, mind you.

Suddenly, we were moving. I didn't know where he was taking me, but I didn't care enough to open my eyes to see. He could have been taking me out further into the water to feed me to the sharks and I wouldn't have given a damn as long as he kept kissing me the way he was at the moment.

My body was jostled around in his arms as he walked, but our lips never broke their rhythm against each other. My heart was beating frantically and the temp of both of our breathing was changing to heavy and lustful.

I realized that we were out of the sea when the chilling air hit me, making my skin break out in goosebumps. Had I thought the water was cold, it was nothing compared to the combination of the April breeze and my wet, freezing skin. My teeth started chattering, and since his mouth was attached to mine, of course he noticed. I held even tighter onto him as he was practically running now, in an attempt to steal some of his warmth. Or borrow. I could always find a way to return it to him later.

… _What the hell am I thinking?_

He kept running and running when, out of nowhere, I felt something hard and metallic pressing against my back. He had pinned me against his car, I realized. It was quite a shock that he had managed to run all the way to his car so fast while carrying me, but the ultimate shock came to overlap it as, pressing against me as he was, I could suddenly _feel him_.

And with my legs wrapped around his waist, when his hips suddenly thrusted forward, the bulge in his pants rubbed against where I needed it most and the pleasure pulsed through me like an electric shock. I gasped at the exact same time he let out the most delicious groan. My eyes snapped open and my head shot back, only to hit against the hard metal with a loud _thud_.

He pulled away in seconds, his eyes scanning my face for signs of pain with angst. He looked like he couldn't believe what he had just done. "Shit, I'm sorry, are you alright?" he asked, his voice coming out all deep and rough. My insides twisted at the sound and, panting like crazy as I was, I could only nod.

I was a _mess_.

I was flushed, my heartbeat was flying, my breaths were coming out as gasps, my chest was rising and falling frantically, I was completely wet head to toe to… oh well. And I could only guess what state my hair was in.

And yet there he was, looking at me like he literally just wanted to eat me. My guts twisted at the thought.

But then, before I could say or do anything, I felt him release my legs, letting them slide down to the ground. I let out a whimper as he took a step away from me, but hadn't found my voice yet to protest properly.

"Put this on." His hand rose holding out his black jacket for me to take, and then he handed me a black car key with the other. "Get inside and put the heater on before you freeze to death. I'll put out the fire and be right back."

And with that he took off running back to the beach, leaving me frozen in place staring at his back and how his very wet, almost transparent shirt, enfolding his back at all the right places- with just three words being replayed in my mind non-stop.

 _Oh my God._

He had just… that was his…

 _Oh. My. God._

I felt like every single part of me that had come in contact with him was suddenly on fire. The blood was racing in my veins, my entire body on hyperactivity.

 _What the_ hell _just happened?_

When I calmed myself enough for my senses to return, I realized his jacket felt dry and unnaturally warm against my palm. I recalled having left it by the fire once it had warmed me enough, and then wondered how could it be that he was holding it. Could he have run by the fire to take it while carrying me without me even noticing at all? Had I been this carried away?

And most importantly, if I had, in what degree had I embarrassed myself?

I rewinded my mind in search of how I had _just_ acted around him and, in terror, I found nothing. I was so focused on everything I was feeling that I never even took notice of my own actions. What if I had touched him somewhere I shouldn't have or kissed him deeper than I meant or… Oh God, what kind of sounds had I been making?

I shook my head and before I began freaking out again I pushed the button on the key I had been holding and the car replied with a beeping sound, the lights briefly flickering. Whatever I had done seemed to be more than fine with him, and if I was to draw the same response from him as I had just now, I would make sure to lose myself with him more often.

I climbed on the passenger's seat and shut the door behind me, leaning over the seat next to me in order for me to put the key in the ignite and twist it once so that the lights on the dashboard got turned on. I found the heater easily and turned it on as well, hot air warming up my face almost instantly. I sighed in relief, while also aware of the fact that I was probably about to spend the upcoming week in bed with a cold.

 _Who even cares._

With yet another sigh I focused my attention on the black piece of clothing in my hands. I instantly frowned. There was no way it would keep me warm with my dress dripping icy water as it currently was. Of course I could always take my dress off but that was just-

My breath hitched in my throat.

 _Shoot._

I had to take my dress off.

There was one thing to go down with a cold and a completely different one to catch pneumonia and this was exactly where I was heading if I kept this on me much longer.

 _Shoot, shoot, shoot._

I glanced towards the beach. There was clearly a large fire still behind the bushes, it would give me enough time to change into the jacket. And the jacket itself was long enough to look like a mini dress on me. Much shorter than my real one, but long enough to cover my panties and that's what mattered, right?

I took a deep breath. _Here it goes…_

I reached for the zipper on my back, and after a lot of effort and struggling noises from my part, I managed to pull it down. I quickly grabbed the dress then and pulled it over my head as fast as I possibly could, giving short glances towards the beach every one or two seconds. I had to make sure, you see, that he wouldn't suddenly walk in on me sitting in my freaking underwear in his fancy SUV… Which was a very nice car, by the way. A Volkswagen of some short. Nothing like my old Toyota Camry that was about to die on me anytime now.

The thing was, though, that just as I was about to put the damn jacket on, I was presented with yet another problem.

My freaking bra. And panties. They were both wet as heck. And imagine the look on his face when he saw the wet stamps that would be left on his jacket, shaped exactly after my…

I groaned. Maybe the swimming was a bad idea after all. I should have stuck to the campfire songs. And yet, I still couldn't bring myself anywhere near regretting anything we had done together.

I sighed and looked anxiously towards the beach again. The light from the fire was noticeably dimmer, but still there. I still had some time…

I glanced down at my half naked body, wearing only a blue dotted bra matched with simple blue panties -my shoes were long gone obviously and I didn't even care to look for them.

Should I take my last pieces of clothing off as well?

I'd end up being practically naked inside his jacket, and that meant that by the time he dropped me home I would either have let him see me naked or have forced him to let me keep his jacket. And I was not going to force him to do anything.

I bit my lip.

Well, I could always just put my dress back on and freeze to death.

But the thing was… I was nowhere near ready to let him go yet. I wanted more. And not only more time, I wanted… I wanted more of him. I wanted _all_ of him.

And I could have him, couldn't I? He wanted me too, he had told me, he had shown me… I wanted this and he wanted this, so what was the problem?

I wanted him. And I was ready.

I glanced towards the beach one more time. Still some light, still some time…

And without giving it much thought, I unclasped my bra and threw it on the back seat right over my ruined dress, I lifted my butt off the car seat so I wouldn't sit on it naked –for heaven's sake- and pulled down my panties, grabbed them and threw them on the pile as well.

I stood there for a moment, completely naked and in the weirdest position possible on the seat so that my butt remained in the air, and closed my eyes.

 _I am insane._

I grabbed the jacket from where I had thrown it and slid my arms in the sleeves, zipped it up and pulled it down my hips to cover as much skin as possible before I finally sat back down. And just as I did, the light from the beach completely disappeared, the light inside the car being the only thing lighting the little glade where he had parked in.

I waited in anticipation until, finally, I could make out his slender figure making its way through the darkness, and soon he was opening the door and sitting down on the driver's seat right next to me. He smiled at me the instant he saw me in his jacket. I guessed that thing about boys liking their girls in their own clothes was indeed valid. I ignored the fact that I just called me his girl.

And then he seemed to finally fully take me in and the smile was ripped from his face, quickly replaced by an expression of confusion, then realization and then complete shock. His eyes searched the car for my missing clothes and when he spotted them on the back seat he turned to look back at me with a familiar emotion written on his face, which I could however not quite name. "April…?" he questioned, his voice dropping to an uncertain whisper.

"Take your shirt off." I blurted out.

He almost grinned at the ridiculous way I delivered the sentence. Almost. "What are you-"

I cleared my throat. "You need to take your shirt off, because it's soaking wet. I'm a doctor, remember? I can't let you die of-"

"Pneumonia." He caught up with me and finally chuckled. "Right, I remember."

And so I watched speechless, motionless, as he obeyed without further questioning. His fingers reached for the first button, snapping it open effortlessly. Then another one. And another one. All the more caramel skin was being revealed in such a slow pace it was almost painful, until soon enough his gray shirt was completely undone and he could shrug it off his shoulders and throw it like on top of my own clothes.

Slow undressing. Talk about remaking _The Notebook_. And yet, one would have to be blind to even _suggest_ comparing the Ryan Gosling's look –or anyone else's for that matter- with the beauty of the half-naked man in front of me. It was like comparing a star with a comet. There _was no comparison._

My one hand rose involuntarily and covered the distance between us. I hesitated briefly before softly touching his collarbone, and when I did he let his eyes close with a sigh. I bit my lip and let my hand travel lower, tracing along the lines of his muscles. My eyes settled on his one dark nipple, then, and I held my breath. Slowly, cautiously, I brushed over it softly, and I was completely surprised when I watched it immediately harden. I instinctively flicked it with my thumb then, and Jackson grunted. I could feel my heart rate increasing exponentially at the sound.

I returned my attention to his face, only to find that his teeth were now gritting. The view had me painfully aware of the wild pulse between my legs, and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. In hopes that I would get the same reaction again, I couldn't help but flick my thumb once more and I watched as he took in a deep, shaky breath.

I mimicked him, taking a shaky breath myself, and returned my attention to his torso. I let my hand travel even lower, down the lines of his abs. I traced circles around them hungrily. Right then, a tiny water droplet dripped down. I followed it with my eyes as it slowly made its way down the firm planes of his chest over the ridges of his abs and into the waistband of his pants.

And that's where my eyes remained.

For there, right beyond his zipper, stood a very evident bulge that I had never noticed a single person having before.

Completely hypnotized by the sudden and unexpected surge of pure lust that racketed through me, I could only watch helpless as my own hand drifted lower and lower without slowing down.

But then I felt warm fingers wrap around it, stopping it right as it reached his belt. I gulped and reluctantly looked up.

His eyes were wide open now and I gasped a little at the sight. His pupils were so dilated that his eyes were nearly all black. "No." he firmly said then, but his eyes spoke a different language, and those were the ones I believed. The ones I always believed. And so I didn't let the rejection hit me like a punch to the guts, as I normally would have. Instead, I waited. And waited.

And eventually, he swallowed hard and shook his head. "Not here. Not like this."

I let out a sigh of relief. That was certainly _not_ rejection. I held back a smile, but I was sure he could see it in my eyes. "The hotel?" I heard my voice offer.

His eyes were serious, staring deeply into mine. Searching.

"I want this." I reassured him. "I want you."

He lost no time to respond. "I want you too. So fucking much."

The word had me sucking in a sharp breath. _Dear Lord…_

"Okay then." I said, and used all my inner strength to pull my arm back, using it to put on my seat belt as I straightened my body on my seat. "Let's check in that hotel."

He didn't move, though. There had been a bit of nervousness in my voice, and I was sure he caught it. "Are you sure?" he asked, eyes narrowed and that unnamed emotion that I had so much trouble recognizing was suddenly crystal clear. _Hope._

My gaze met his and I smiled. When I spoke again my voice was confident, certain.

"Drive the car."

* * *

 _ **[A/N] I can't post links here BUT there's an audio file with April singing Be Still at the beach exactly as I imagine it on my TUMBLR blog,  japrilgreys ! Search "The Gift" and it should be there. Go check it out if you want! ;)  
**_

 _ **And please, please, please, REVIEW!**_

 _ **Thank you all for reading! Love you! And you little unicorn, I really hope you like this :/ Let me know!**_


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